My Bane of Self-Consciousness

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.” Psalm 107:13

So I’ve been feeling a little self-conscious here lately. It is an uncomfortable feeling for me. Brings back bad memories of Junior High, and pimples, and purple lipstick with blue eye shadow.


I’m feeling this way because I’ve dove off into the waters of soccer coaching, and I know basically nothing about soccer. My 6YO’s team didn’t have a coach and after all the parents stood around saying, “I don’t wanna do it,” I volunteered since I don’t have a real job and felt the need to “control” the situation.


Control… it’s what I do best. Ha!


Anyway, I took the paperwork, ordered up the uniforms, and made contact with parents for our second regularly scheduled practice.


The first practice was quite chaotic and went by relatively fast. We (me and my Man-Helpers) had the kids do simple “drills” or whatever you call them, like kicking the balls into the goal from a standing start and a running start and a rolling start, and throwing the ball in from the sidelines with both feet on the ground. We also did stretching and some running to basically wear them down.


So, anyway, here I am in uncharted territory on the soccer field, hoping I’m doing what a good soccer mom should be doing. Looking around, I see most of the moms texting and sitting on the sidelines, so perhaps I AM going about it all wrong!


Last night was the second real practice, and we basically repeated the drills we had the kids work on last time, plus a few added new items like battling each other for the ball, and “dribbling” the ball down to the goal. (See! I don’t even know the terminology!)


One kid cried.


One mom had a very surprised look on her face the entire practice.


And I believed them all to be staring at me, grossly aware of all of my short-comings!


I came home with a huge cloud of self-consciousness hanging over my head like the thunderstorm that follows Charlie Brown around in the Peanuts comics. My hub was of little help.


“Am I doing okay?”


“Uh-huh.”


“Is there anything else I should be doing?”


“No.”


“What else do you think we should be working on?”


“I don’t know.”


(He’s one of my Man-Helpers.)


I decided to go to bed early and picked up a new book I’d gotten but hadn’t read yet entitled What Women Want: The Life You Crave and How God Satisfies by Lisa Bergren and Rebecca Price. I’m not usually into self-help books, but I needed a cheap book to qualify for free shipping and it was $1.99. Here’s a link if you decide you need it too.


The first chapter was about…


Being self-conscious!


And since this is usually not my personal hang up, I took the coincidence as a sign that I shouldn’t be taking it so personal. I came to the conclusion that even though I may not know what I’m doing, the other parents don’t know either or else they would have volunteered for the position!


The book suggested you stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself, “I am a phenomenal creation of God.” You were supposed to do this ten times. Again, I’m not into self-help, but it did take me back to the days of Al Franken* on Saturday Night Live where he used to play Stuart Smalley. Stuart taught us all to say, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me!”


And there it is… My new soccer coach mantra.


*Al Franken is now a US Senator, so look where it got HIM! This could be good or bad. I’m not sure. Nevermind.


I’m sure this coaching experience will be a good learning experience. I like to think of it as “Soccer Immersion School”. Others would call it “Sink or Swim.” So far, my little group of 6YOs are coming together nicely, forming the seamless, cohesive group that is my dream for them.


That, and to be able to kick a rolling ball without tripping over it and falling down.


And to line up without wrestling.


And not to cry.


Basically, I just don’t want to be that mean, old coach that ruined soccer for them for the rest of their lives! Hopefully, I’m well on my way in the opposite direction.


I hope my self-consciousness eases up and I hope my mantra rings true. Pray for my team. We need all the help we can get. If you see me talking to myself on the sidelines, check to see if I’m wearing blue eye shadow and purple lipstick. If so, then you’ll know things have gotten REALLY bad!


“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” Psalm 107:9 ESV