Homekeeper Journal 1/25/11

Today's blog entry prompts in bold are provided by Sylvia over at http://www.christianhomekeeper.org/.  Check her out for good ideas each week and other people's entries with the same prompts. 

In my Kitchen today …..

so far I’ve eaten Wheat Thins and canned cheese. We all had the stomach yuck this past weekend and are slowly working our way back to the living, gastronomically speaking.

Proverbs 1:5 says: Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance – What this means for me is …..

that even if you think you know everything there is to know, you’d better keep an ear out anyway. And even if you think you understand something fully, there might just be someone out there who could help you because they know just a little bit more.

Proverbs 17:10 tells me that “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” – So I know that …..

Ron White is right when he says, “You can’t fix stupid.”

Proverbs 17:27 says that “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” What this means for me as a woman of God is …….

Lord, don’t let me make an ugly scene out of anger or desperation that I cannot mop up later when I come to my senses. I like to say “I’m better on paper than I am in real life,” and this is most certainly true when I’m having a moment.

Proverbs 13:15 talks about favor – “Good understanding gains favor, but the way of the unfaithful is hard.” –

You have the choice to go it alone, but if you do, good luck. Don’t expect a bed of roses, and don’t expect to find favor with God while you’re out on your own limb.

And finally, Proverbs 20:5 tells me that “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” – This is important for me because ……

My mom always said, “What’s in your heart will eventually fall out your mouth.” Usually those things that fall out of my mouth are in the shallow waters, but if you stick with me, you just might get to the heart of what I’m talking about.

That's What I Get For Thinking

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” Proverbs 26:11

Bet you didn’t know there were bible verses about vomit, did you?

I blame myself really. I’ve heard recently of several people I knew from school having babies (or even grandchildren! Yikes!) and got to thinking it might be nice to have another baby sometime. I opened my big fat mouth to my husband about this just before we went to sleep on Wednesday night. His standard answer: “I don’t know.”

Really, who knows? And if we’d known, would we still?

Two hours later, we’re both up with carpet cleaners in full force for an exploding child for about an hour. There went our uninterrupted sleep.

We spent Thursday nursing sick child back to health on a snow day with doses of sledding and light foods. He fell asleep on the couch at 7 pm by his own will and we wondered if he was going to be okay the next day. 24-hours was what all the moms on Facebook were saying about our affliction.

Friday was another “snow day” although it would only be considered a snow day to people in my neck of the country. No additional accumulation, roads were for the most part clear. We spent part of the day at a children’s museum, me reading, them playing.

Then Saturday rolled around and I woke up feeling like I’d swallowed a brick and it was stuck somewhere under my left set of ribs. We didn’t do a whole lot that day, but I ate at least a couple of times before… I checked into my office for the rest of the evening.

Throwing up has to be one of the most unpleasant bodily functions I can think of. It always takes me back to my pregnancy days because I was so good at it then. Even little things like the movement from the water in the shower would make me gag. Both times I lost 10 pounds during the first three months of my pregnancies. Don’t worry. I was back in the positive by the end, but really, the nausea never really went away.

So there it was. The ramification of even thinking of having another baby. Lost sleep. Tossing my cookies. Then I factored in diapers and milk and crying and decided “Am I nuts?” Needless to say, number three is back on hold and remains a figment of my imagination. And in my imagination, there’s no crying or pumping or diapers or puking.

Wishing you a full night’s rest this evening, with no horrible interruptions, and continued happy thoughts – imaginary or not.

“Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants.” Leviticus 18:28



Homekeeper Journal 1/19/11

Today's blog entry starters provided by Sylvia at the Christian Homekeeper Network.  Check out other blog posts at http://www.christianhomekeeper.org/.

In my homey kitchen …..

Nothing exciting happening today since we eat our dinner at church on Wednesday night and I didn’t even cook the meal this week since we are ordering pizza! However, since there is ice and snow in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow, I’ve already made my symbolic “winter weather” trek to the grocery store this morning and I bought milk, bread, and the ingredients for potato soup for tomorrow, just in case the snow pans out.

My thoughts on being at home ……

I’ve done a lot of living to only be as old as I am. I’ve had many jobs before this stay-at-home gig and I’m sure this won’t be my last. I’ve cooked. I’ve checked groceries. I’ve worked fast food. I was a secretary for a sign business. I was a federal bank examiner. I did IT/BSA/Compliance and special projects requiring lots and lots of research in a bank. And now… here I am, sometimes wondering what I’ll do today. Oh, and occasionally I’m a substitute teacher.

I’m pretty sure I won’t be jetting off to Vegas anytime soon, or seeing the space shuttle take off, or spending three weeks in Washington DC, all on the government’s dime like I did in my previous life. I also know there won’t be any debit or credit entries in my immediate future. Sometimes I think about working the noon shift at a fast food restaurant just for the fun of it, but then I remember the smell of the grease. I think sometimes about checking the groceries, but then I think about that incessant “boop!”

So, I guess I’ll stick with the substituting until the days run out and then maybe complete some projects at home that I’ve been too chicken to start. And eventually I’ll work myself out of a job with the children, once they are able to pay their own bills. But then what? I say this is probably my retirement and when I go back I’ll probably work until I’m 100. Oh well, so long as there’s some per diem and mileage involved, I can probably handle it.

A constant habit I have of making my home comfortable is ….

Keeping the heat turned up, even when we’re gone. I’m working on this, but 90% of the time when I return home, I forget that I’ve turned the thermostat down and run around the house thinking I’m getting sick because I’m freezing to death, and it never occurring to me to turn up the heat. Duh!

If I could change the decor of my home ….

I’d completely start over. I’d like stained concrete floors (heated, of course) with carpet only in the bedrooms and an open living/dining/kitchen area with commercial grade appliances, a vaulted ceiling with exposed beams and an overall “lodge” type style/décor. I’d really like to have a commercial kitchen to work in so that I might work on a little catering business on the side, without living in the shadows of the health department. Someday, someday.

What I want my children/spouse/other family to remember about my home is …

Food – good and plenty of it. And welcoming, regardless of whether the toys are always picked up or not. I want my house to be the hangout when the kids are older and I never want them to feel like they couldn’t have friends over because the house wasn’t clean or something. So, I’m teaching them to clean house too. Another part of my Master Plan of working myself out of a job someday.

Home …

Good, bad, old or new, a house is only a home if there is a family there. No amount of decorating or cleaning or remodeling can change or replace the family who lives there. And in the words of my 8YO, “It’s good to be a family!”

Star Compliments

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

My Kindergartener was Star of the Week last week. This special designation entitled him to fill out a “My favorites” sheet, bring 5 pictures to share with the class, choose his center choice first, sit in a gold chair at carpet time, bring a special show-and-tell on Friday, and…. The epitome of Star-of-the-Week-dom – have the teacher trace his body on a large sheet of paper and receive a compliment from each child in the class, which the teacher writes on the paper.

I was there for the receiving of the compliments and he was SO PROUD!! He also acted a little embarrassed. Humility is nothing without a little shame. Anyway, here is his list of compliments as compiled by his Kindergarten class:

1. He is kind and runs really fast on the playground.

2. He plays nicely with me when we play Power Rangers.

3. I like the color of his hair.

4. He’s a very good friend.

5. He gives a lot of effort.

6. He plays nicely with me when we are playing Star Wars.

7. He is a fabulous friend.

8. He’s kind.

9. I like his eye color.

10. He’s really nice to people.

11. He’s really good at drawing.

12. He’s a very good hand writer.

13. He has enthusiasm (a robust vocabulary word)!

14. He is a very good boy and a very good runner.

15. I like his show-and-tell and he shares his toys.

16. I like him.

17. He plays with me and runs with me.

18. He is special and creative.

19. He plays with me nicely.

20. He’s a good Star of the Week.

21. He’s my best friend.

Each child also drew a picture to go along with their compliment that was bound into a book for my son to keep forever. He’s already looked at the book several times and made comments on all the pictures.

In other words… He loved it!

Now you may not want to trace someone, or draw them a picture, but can you spare a compliment for someone you encounter today? It just might make their Monday.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24

Family Funnies

Believe it or not, I have some colorful characters in my family. The partial purpose of this blog (although I'm not sure what the full purpose is) was for me to chronicle some familial stories. This purpose has been achieved, as I had a very good time of reading some of my posts from about 9 months ago (that I’d already forgotten some of) just last week. They were as funny as the day I’d written them. Anyway, we had a couple of family members over on Friday and the elder of the two who shall remain nameless told a couple of good ones, so I thought I’d write them down.

WARNING: These stories may not be suitable for prim and proper, but they are familial stories nonetheless, worthy of being passed down from generation to generation. Well, at least in MY family.

Anyway, we’ll call the two nameless relatives Dinky and Johannes, just for anonymity.

Story #1 – Dinky proceeds to tell us about his scar on the side of his face that runs from his ear down to his jaw bone. He says that in 1946 he was having a tooth pulled and the dentist was having a tough time getting it out. Dinky says the dentist had his knee up on Dinky’s shoulder and was just about to tear his head off. This left Dinky with a jaw that hung very crookedly off to the right of his face. The dentist said just to eat a lot of lettuce and that would help the jaw. Several days later, after lots of lettuce chewing, the jaw was not getting any better.

So, the left jaw begins to swell… and swell… and swell to a horrible size, and the parents of Dinky decide to take him to the Mayo Hospital 100 miles or so from their home. Dinky said they stuck something up on the roof of his mouth to reset the jaw and in the process they tore his mouth open three-quarters of an inch on either side at the corners. They also put a drain in his jaw and gave him 3,000 (I’m guessing a slight exaggeration) shots of penicillin in his rear.

Classic Dinky-ism: (pointing to my red tablecloth with white snowflakes) “This was my rear (only he didn’t say rear).” We’ll never look at that tablecloth the same again.

I was, of course, horrified by the barbaric medicine and circumstances. He said his dad was told that Dinky only had a 50/50 chance of living. Well, time came for him to get out of the hospital, but he was going to have to go back several times a week for treatment and checkups, so the family sent him home with the JANITOR of the hospital. He stayed in an extra room at the janitor’s house while recuperating.

This fascinated me, too. A terribly sick boy staying at the hospital janitor’s house for convalescent care. But I guess the hub came halfway around the world at 15, and didn’t speak the language…

Anyway, he said when he went to the clinic, there was a mother and daughter standing on the curb waiting for a cab, and the daughter screamed when she saw Dinky. He said he was just skin and bones. He was only 14 years old. I was just amazed by the whole story.

Long story, short, Dinky made a full recovery and that’s the story of the scar by his left ear. I’d always just thought it was a wrinkle. Dinky will be 80 this year.

Story #2 – Shorter, I promise, but it is funny and deserves to be saved. Dinky and Johannes are on a road trip recently and they stop in a local convenience store with a horribly nasty bathroom. They are both disgusted by the bathroom so much that they discuss its condition. Well, further on down the road, someone passes gas.

Dinky yells, “Pull over! Pull over!” as if there is some great emergency.

Driver of said vehicle pulls quickly over thinking something is horribly wrong.

Dinky proclaims, “Someone has poop on their shoes from THAT BATHROOM!”

I’ll be leaving out the bible verses for this entry, just because I’m thinking the nature of this post isn’t exactly reverent (not that many of my posts are!).

However, I thank God for giving me my family – the whole mess.

He knew I’d get a kick out of them!

Spin Cycle

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

Our first snow arrived this morning. Oh sure, a few miniscule flakes fell yesterday afternoon, but today it is visible to the naked eye. We’re projected to get an inch or two, but even that is more than enough for me. I am a winter weather hater.

One of my earliest memories of winter weather was in first grade, I do believe. I had stayed the night at my Nanna’s house and my mom had to come and get me for school. It was icy out and why we were still having school, I don’t know. On the way past the cemetery on our way to school, our car began to spin.

Now I’m not talking like turned sideways and then we went on our merry way. I’m talking like spun around and around and around for what seemed like forever. I was in the front seat of our Toyota Corolla and I remember my mom telling me to put my seatbelt on. I was screaming, scratching at the dashboard like a cat in a tornado, but I managed to get my seatbelt on. I remember my mom taking the car out of gear (it was a standard) and turning off the engine.

And then, we came to an abrupt stop. We’d spun completely across four lanes of the conjoined highway and came to rest in the opposite ditch about a foot from a telephone pole. No harm done. But, as icy as it was, it was not safe to make a left-hand turn out of the ditch and across another couple of lanes of traffic, so we had to make a right-hand turn and go down and turn around, and cover the same stretch of road we’d just spun out of control on. I was totally freaked out!

This time, however, my mother traveled at a much slower speed and we made it through the Death Pass. I vowed then and there to never drive on ice, or snow, or in cold weather, etc.

Years later, when I worked for the government, I just happened to leave a bank a little too late in winter weather. I had to travel 53 miles to get home on nothing but packed snow, hilly lake roads, and freezing rain turning into glare ice. It was white knuckles all the way home that day, with several near misses, but the miracle of it all was I MADE IT! I kissed my kitchen floor when I fell from exhaustion into the house.

In all my years, I’d always assumed that if I were stranded somewhere in the winter weather, I would just pull over and die on the side of the road. But, I MADE IT. And now, each winter, when I’m faced with taking the kids to school (although they are much more likely to call off school now than back in my day, I’m convinced), or going to the store, or taking the kids to the local park to sled, I have the fact that I once made it 53 miles without dying in much worse conditions than I’m normally currently looking at.

And so, I suck it up, and put on my coveralls, my sock hat, and my snow boots, and I go wherever needs to be gotten to. Yes, you may see me going well below the posted speed limit on the highway. Yes, you may need to pass me. Yes, I may drive like an old lady.

But remember: I’m trying not to ruin it for my children.

“There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23:15

Do Not Call

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

I teach Sunday School, and I think I’ve already told you that a few times, but I didn’t want you thinking I fell off the wagon or anything. I always have playtime for my Pre-K/Kindergarten class because I think “fellowship” is a big part of being Lutheran and I think the kids in church should have a chance to know each other, not just sit there and listen to me ramble on.

Plus, it occasionally provides for some decent entertainment.

Case in point: Last Sunday.

Three kids had come for my Sunday School class: my 6YO, and Jacob and Hannah, both 5. My 6YO and Jacob had built quite a picnic area out of the plastic and wooden fruit and Hannah was pretending like she didn’t know if she was invited to the picnic or not. She was “calling” them on one of the play phones. “Helllloooo???” she said several times into her end of the phone, “Am I invited to the picnic?”

My 6YO says, “Hey Jacob, your phone is ringing.”

Jacob says, “Oh, it’s just a telemarketer.”

Here’s hoping your calls are all solicited during 2011 and that you’re never mistaken for a telemarketer.

And that Jacob’s family gets on the Do Not Call List soon!

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24

Back from the Future

“A gift opens the way for the giver, and ushers him into the presence of the great.” Proverbs 18:16

I remember when I was in grade school and everyone talked about the “future.” We all speculated on what it would look like: flying cars, video phones, and space food.

Space food is a novelty that is available at some science museums. Flying cars? Well, they aren’t anywhere to be found in my neck of the woods. Now this video phone thing…

Last year we sprung for DSL after it finally became available in our area. This has opened up the vast internet to our very fingertips. No longer do we wonder about things like what kind of caterpillar we’ve found? Or how many hours does a dog sleep in a day? We just go look it up. Takes the mystery out of life, really, unless Google for some reason fails you.

The move to DSL has also made it infinitely easier to upload pictures and email them to The Russian’s family. We’ve emailed and spoke on the phone to his mom and dad for years, but just started emailing his Uncle this past year. He likes to take pictures, and even though we speak different languages, I feel like we communicate through pictures. He would email me some, and I would return the favor.

Then he asked do we Skype? He had a Skype account and wondered if we did too?

Now I’d heard of Skype, probably back in its infant days when the calls were more like CB radio. Does anyone remember CB radio anymore? Daughter of a trucker, what can I say?

Anyway, I started thinking about Skype and consulting with others whom I knew used it. Seemed like a worthwhile endeavor, so I decided to buy The Russian a webcam for Christmas, procuring our spot in the Skype world.

I hooked it up, albeit wrong, on December 23, just to give it a go. I saw the Uncle was online, so I placed my first video call. I could hear them, but not see anything, and I could tell that they could see me, but not hear me. Thankfully they recognized me! Me and the kids made faces and waved and showed them little trinkets around our computer desk, all while they were laughing and carrying on, halfway around the world.

The next day, I changed a setting and got the microphone to work. With The Russian seated in the captain’s chair, we made our second video call from our computer, and lo and behold, their picture popped up too! It was the first “face-to-face” conversation The Russian had had with his Uncle in 16 years! His Aunt was there too, and about an hour and a half into the conversation, his Dad popped online and so we all did a conference video call. Truly stuff of the future, I would say!

Since Christmas, we’ve spoken to the Russian relatives at least a dozen times. We found out that my Hub’s great-grandma was actually Polish. We found out that his Aunt and Uncle have a wedding anniversary the day before ours (their 30th this year). We found out that a lot of language gaps can be bridged with gesturing and drawing pictures on paper even over the internet. And when all else fails, break out the “slovar” – that’s dictionary for you non-Ruskies-in-law.

Even though I now consider my appearance before answering my computer, these video calls always leave me with a big smile on my face, even if I don’t understand half of what was said.

And that, is the joy of giving perhaps the best gift I’ve ever selected in my life! I think I finally got it right for one person, just one time. I think this is a gift that the new might possibly never wear off of. And it is a gift that keeps on giving, until the webcam burns up.

Now, think how big God’s smile must be that he chose the perfect gift for all mankind!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

Lost: The Living Room Edition

“Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it?” Luke 15:8

Have you ever lost something and it really drove you nuts that you couldn’t find it? Like, you just had it and now it’s gone, and you know it should be right here?

Around Thanksgiving, my rechargeable batteries for my camera were on their last leg, so I purchased a new package of eight, put two in the camera and promptly lost the other six. Kind of drove me nuts that I couldn’t find them. Anyway, I eventually had to go out and buy a 4-pack to limp by until I could find the lost package. Kind of excessive to have 12 rechargeable batteries, I know, since I can only charge four at a time.

Anyway, then the Christmas season rolls around and we drag all our treasured decorations out of the attic, making it ever more unlikely that even one lost item will ever be retrieved from the lost areas of our house.

I wrote previously about John the Baptist visiting our nativity this year (Read: Adventures of Baby Jesus #1). Well, wouldn’t you know it, John the Baptist went missing just several days before it was time to de-decorate the house. His manger was still there, as John was never properly glued to his hay. Probably wouldn’t have tolerated it in the first place, but the baby was missing! I’m thinking he was out looking for locusts and honey, but he was nowhere to be found.

We found an errant donkey underneath the wine cabinet (Note: only called “wine” cabinet since that was the constructor’s intent for this piece of furniture. We do not drink wine – straight bottles of Jack Daniels around here, but think we are closer to being wine snobs since we have a wine cabinet. Other more accurate names for this piece of furniture would be homework cabinet, fancy scissor housing cabinet, or Star Wars landing station. It was on sale at Big Lots, what can I say?), but still no John the Baptist.

I checked under the couch, using a wooden spoon to drag out all the spoils of the Kid War that had collected in the past six months. And there were my batteries! Yea!

John the Baptist was later found among the Hot Wheels. I think he was planning a bigger escape into the wilderness, for sure.

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas season and that 2011 doesn’t lose you!

“For the Son of Man came to see and to save what was lost.” Luke 19:10

From Russia With Love

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.” Ephesians 2:13

Thirteen years ago today (Man, that seems like a LONG time!), I married a Russian college student whom I had known almost six months. Our first date had been on June 30th, when I took him fishing at my grandpa’s pond. We caught lots of sunfish that day. He cooked me spaghetti a few nights later, literally spaghetti and sauce, and we ate it at his college apartment out of margarine tubs. I told him about Hamburger Helper. He asked me to go shopping with him.

While at the grocery store I introduced him to things like yogurt, cottage cheese, and sour cream. He’d known all these things before, but didn’t know the name for them in English. I also told him about whole milk. He said that’s what he’d wanted, but didn’t know what the red cap meant. I offered to cook him a roast with potatoes and carrots, and the next thing I knew, we were getting married.

Some people said he married me for his Green Card. I think it was because I could cook and he couldn’t at the time. Russian men usually have a woman to take care of them.

We went to a pawn shop in Galena, Kansas, and bought my wedding ring for $140.00. It had been welded together at one time and then ripped in half and had a jagged edge and a small chip in the diamond. We bought his ring at the Miami Coin Shop for $40.00. The shoes he bought to get married in cost $46.00. My dress cost $50.00 at the going out of business sale at the Miami Bridal Shoppe and my mom made my veil attached to a headband of fake pearls we bought at Wal-Mart.

We had $110.00 in our checking account that first day we were married. And that was pretty much it in the way of assets between us. Of course, there was the harvest scene couch he’d bought at a garage sale that you had to be careful when sitting down on because a nail might poke you, but aside from that, our checking account represented all our worldly possessions that had value to anyone else besides us.

He didn’t tell his parents he was getting married. His mother would call in the middle of the night screaming and crying. My husband is an only child.

Needless to say, I went over like a lead brick. They wanted to know what color I was, was I pregnant, and what was my name? I passed on all accounts except they didn’t like my name. We sent pictures after the wedding and his grandma decided that I was too pale so I must be sick a lot, I was too thin so I must not know how to cook, and I was older than him (2 ½ years) so I must have MADE him marry me.

Then the paperwork began! YEARS of paperwork to be exact. I didn’t make enough money so my uncle had to co-sponsor my husband with me, making the both of us financially responsible for my husband. My dad wouldn’t do it. My husband would finally receive his Green Card just after we purchased our first house, three years plus after our wedding day. He would become a US Citizen when our first child was eight months old.

Eventually I won over my Russian in-laws. I guess they got used to the idea that my husband wasn’t coming back. And that maybe not all American women were what they thought they might be. They eventually gave me credit for my husband graduating from college, for him getting a job, for us buying a house, for our first child. Before she died, his grandma even decided that I looked a little like their Northern people. What a turnaround I’d had!

I cannot fathom that there would have been any more perfect a person for God to have chosen as my spouse. My husband gets my sense of humor, he’s smart, and cute, and all that, too. He’s even keeled when I freak out, and he still likes my cooking.

It is strange to think that my husband didn’t even speak my language until he was 15 years old. It is strange to think that he had to travel halfway around the world to get here. It is strange to think that he ended up going to the junior college in my town because his test scores were too low to stick with his friends and go to the college where they went. It is strange to think that he ended up unloading the truck with me on Saturday mornings at Arby’s in my hometown.

What a logistical nightmare for anyone else but God! I guess I was a hard order to fill!

Happy Anniversary to my big strong Russian husband!

He loves it when I call him that!

“Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.” Ephesians 2:19-20

Merry Imperfect Christmas

“O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth.”

Picture it. Christmas Eve service. The church is packed. Nearly every seat is taken. The service has been carefully laid out in the bulletin. Easy to follow along for those who aren’t Regulars.

And then, with the first song, clearly marked “O Come All Ye Faithful” verses 1 and 2 in the bulletin, the organist begins to play “O Come, O Come Emmanuel.” We all know the tune, yet can’t find it in the hymnal fast enough and muddle through the first verse confused by the song change.

A few more Christmas passages are read, and we are supposed to follow up with “O Come All Ye Faithful” verses 3 and 4. Since we started out on “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” the congregation could not be steered from that first verse of “O Come All Ye Faithful,” then as some finally noticed what was printed in the bulletin, we finished strong with verse number four.

Then the sermon about how we are all connected to the baby in manger. During the first five minutes, someone’s car alarm went off in the parking lot. Whoever the culprit was must have noticed their error because the horn only honked 10 or 12 times. Then I began my sermon dig for my checkbook so I would be ready when offering came up, and I had no pen in my purse. Then as if on cue, all the children under five in the sanctuary simultaneously lost their wonderment over being in church and began to protest. I look across the aisle and two teenagers were drawing comics. The family in front of me gave a stick of Chapstick to their 2YO son to amuse him, only recognizing their error when he was out of arm’s length and wielding a fully extended glob of Chapstick.

But then, the cloud of chaos lifted just in time for the individual candles to be lit for the “candlelight” portion of the service. My children held theirs in such a way as not to threaten burning down the church, and my now 6YO really belted out “Silent Night” and “Joy to the World” with me. A perfect ending!

Perhaps a few people at the service were first time visitors this evening. Perhaps they didn’t even notice the things that I did. Perhaps our service having several imperfect moments was much like Jesus’ birth, where nothing seemed to go right for Mary and Joseph. But, wow, what a perfect ending!

Merry Christmas!

“So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:4-7

Run, Run As Fast You Can...

“Do you know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24

In the past week, I have been a witness to a couple of occurrences of a gingerbread man running away while he was supposed to be in the oven baking. The first instance was at my son’s Kindergarten, where the kids were just walking back after not finding their gingerbread boy in the oven. They were aghast, confused, in denial.

“Mrs. Teacher put too much LOVE in him and he became real and ran away!!” they lamented.

Well, way to go Teacher! I told the teacher not to put so much love in him next time. It was all her fault, they concluded.

For the rest of the evening, we watched for the gingerbread boy. We were all instructed to call the teacher immediately if we had any clues. Occasionally, one of the kids would swear they saw a flash of brown somewhere out of the corner of their eye.

We went to our 4-H meeting at the local community room of the bank and the kids baited the gingerbread man outside with their rice krispie treats they had for snacks. They left a piece for him on the handrail outside and were all watching for him to take the bait so they could run out and catch him.

They also brought signs to hang up like a Missing Person poster with the gingerbread man drawn in their rendition of his likeness.

During the meeting, I slipped out and removed the bait, throwing it into the flowerbed. When they saw that the rice krispie treat was gone, it freaked the whole bunch out. The funny thing was that even older siblings who were present, who had been in the same class for Kindergarten, and had had the same experiences, didn’t remember. They were just as intrigued by the disappearance of the gingerbread man as the little ones were.

The good news is that the next day, the gingerbread man was found... by the POLICE! Officer Boggs brought the gingerbread man back to my Kindergartener’s class, lights flashing and siren blaring. He’d had to put a piece of plastic over the pan to keep the gingerbread man from escaping after chasing him into someone’s yard for running down the street WAY faster than the posted speed limit.

Our small town is a speed trap for even a Gingerbread Man!

Anyway, thanks to all involved for making the day of at least 24 Kindergarteners, a few 4-Hers, and I’m sure for all of their parents too!

May all our holiday experiences contain too much love, even if we won’t necessarily remember the details!

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

Adventures of Baby Jesus #1

“Everyone who heard this wondered about it, asking, ‘What then is this child going to be?’ For the Lord’s hand was with him.” Luke 1:66

Last night (I know… FINALLY!), we broke out the Christmas decorations and the kids and hub put up the tree while I was at a church Christmas function – think desserts, desserts, and cheese dip by candlelight. Anyway, they broke out my foam nativity guys that I purchased off the internet a few years ago on an after Christmas clearance sale. I think it might have been marked down to $2.99 - a bargain considering these guys are about 6” tall and are very cute. The downside was that their sticky had long since died and I had to hot glue all the parts together. There’s not much I can’t accomplish with a glue gun, so that really wasn’t an issue.

The company graciously (and probably accidentally) included two nativity sets with my order, so one was given as a gift to a pre-school teacher at the daycare with whom I’d had a tumultuous relationship. Hopefully, that gift mended a few fences with her. Hard to say. I never saw her again. Maybe in Wal-Mart…

The second nativity set included an extra baby Jesus, again, I’m guessing by accident, unless there was an overproduction of foam baby Jesuses that year. Anyway, Baby Jesus #2 had never seen the light of day, until last night.

While the kids were breaking out the ornaments and such, they ran across the nativity set. Of course, they got everything out and set it up under the Christmas tree. Then they ran across Baby Jesus #2. The hub reports a deep discussion between them ensued.

“Look, it’s another baby Jesus!”

“Well, there’s only one baby Jesus. We can’t have two!”

“Who is it then?”

“It must be John the Baptist.”

Now, I’m not sure if Jesus and John the Baptist were close cousins or not growing up, but Elizabeth was one of the first people Mary told about her pregnancy. And John leaped in Elizabeth’s womb, excited about his boy cousin, who would be his Savior. John even eventually baptized his cousin, in what was undoubtedly his most spectacular baptism ever!

Anyway, I’m not sure when Elizabeth and Mary ever got together when the kids were little, but this year John is visiting in infancy, without his parents, our nativity. Both he and Jesus appear happy about it!

“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel – which means, ‘God with us.’” Matthew 1:23

One Size Fits Most

“But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” 1 Corinthians 7:7

It’s the holidays! Let’s talk about gift cards for a moment.

I was given a gift card approximately four years ago to a major retailer, but had never used it. The gift card resurfaced in our home sometime over the summer and I called the number on the back and magically it was still good. I made a conscious decision that I should use it as soon as possible since I was pretty sure I’d had it nearly forever in gift card years.

But it was to a store that we don’t frequent very often, and is at least 30 minutes away in the big town.

Anyway, the moment finally presented itself a couple of weeks ago. Leaves had been blowing into the garage and the leaf blower we’d had for 10+ years had a locked up motor from last year and hadn’t been fixed. I never liked that leaf blower anyway. It was a gas model and hard for me to start. I decided it was time to put my gift card into action and buy an electric leaf blower.

I started online. I found an electric model that was 5 lbs. lighter than the gas counterpart and would blow 225 mph. And it was on sale. Sold! I decided at this time too, that when I visited the store I would also purchase the gutter-cleaner-outer attachment for the leaf blower to make our lives easier. I had brief daydreams of being able to purchase these two items together and have the gutters cleaned out by nightfall, making my husband so proud of me!

Those dreams were squelched when I actually went to the store and found that the gutter attachment was not available for in-store purchase. I took my on sale leaf blower and went home, slightly disappointed.

Upon arriving home, I promptly ordered said gutter-cleaner-outer attachment off the internet. The description said, “Fits most….”

Most.

Kind of left it open, didn’t it?

But in my eyes, most says majority, and majority says a lot, and a lot seems to be readily available, so I clicked the “confirm order” button for my site-to-store pickup.

I got a little anxious and tried to click on the link in my order confirmation email a couple of days later, so I could see the status of my order. It took me to a place to login to my online account. I entered my email address, the one just used to confirm my order, and the site told me that email address had not been registered with an account. Hmm. First bad sign.

Then about a week later, I received another email confirming my gutter-cleaner-outer was ready to be picked up in the big town. I also got a call from a nice computer generated lady telling me the same thing, but I had to listen to it twice to be able to understand the whole thing.

The following day – yesterday to be exact – I traveled to the big town to retrieve my order. Sure enough, they had it and were able to retrieve it for me from the bowels of the store within 5 minutes – a sign said that was their goal!

When I arrived home, I began to understand what “Fits Most” meant. It meant it would fit gas models with threaded flanges, gas models with a button to secure attachments, electric models with a button for attachments, and electric models with threaded flanges – that were all ROUND.

Unfortunately, I had purchased the readily available blower with the RECTANGULAR flange.

So, this morning I took my third trip to the big town to exchange my blower for one with a round flange that would work with the attachment. I was assisted by one of the very helpful associates in my return and exchange of blowers. He took my $35.00 extra dollars, as this blower was NOT on sale, and told me this was the only one that was electric with a round attachment flange. Should definitely work.

Most.

We’re back to that word again.

A little voice in my head said I should try it before I left the parking lot since I’d had the forethought to bring along the gutter attachment. But there were a lot of pieces, and I had my kid with me, and my husband had actually tried it before and knew what piece should go directly on the blower. I was just sure it would work, drunk with the associate’s confidence.

I sobered up when I got home and actually tried it.

Most apparently means – will work for most everyone else, except me.

The flange was the right shape, but was just slightly too big. Big enough not to work. Big enough to require lots of duck tape alteration to get it to work. Big enough to send my blood pressure rising into the sky and a few choice words to come to mind.

With that, I resolved to return the whole mess of frustration and call it a day. I resolved to muster as much grace as one with an aggravated temper can, and not unleash my wrath on the next available cashier. I resolved myself to the fact that I was going to have to drive to the big town ONE MORE TIME!!

The fourth time at 60 miles round trip, but who’s counting??

I also resolved that they could figure out how to put everything back in the box the way it should have been as I did not have enough patience left to mess with it. Shoving it all in with my foot, and stomping on it while jumping up and down on the box, would probably have resulted in breakage and would have made returning my burden unlikely.

And so, after much gas guzzling and several scenic trips, a few choice-word thoughts and a credit on my credit card, I have nothing to show for my Plight of the Leaf Blower.

So, when you give that gift card this holiday season, remember the Plight of the Leaf Blower sparked by an old gift card that resurfaced after years of not being spent.

And remember not to give me a gift card. Sorry. Bad taste in my mouth.

And remember the perfect gift of Jesus, who truly is “One Size Fits All”, not “Most”.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

Nativity Adventures

“O come, O come, Emmanuel, And ransom captive Israel, That mourns in lonely exile here, Until the Son of God appear. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.” -hymn 31, in your Blue Hymnal.

We had an Advent Fair after church yesterday where families constructed their own Advent wreaths to take home. I have to say, I am now in the Christmas spirit. Yes, I know, it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet, but I’m ready to break out the tree, hang a wreath on the door, and get out the nativity set. And in my house, that means it is time for… another installment of…

The Adventures of Baby Jesus!

Our resin nativity set has a tiny baby Jesus who comes out of his manger. He’s about an inch and a half long and is torpedo shaped from all his swaddling clothes. My kids like to play with the nativity set and you just never know where baby Jesus might turn up.

He’s been in the kitchen, stuck in the couch, rescued from the bathroom, adored by the Super Friends, and has even taken a few train rides.

So, as we prepare for Advent – which I think may be short for Adventures – this holiday season, I hope you invite Jesus into your home. Let him have the run of the house, and I’ll bet you’ll find him in every room.

“This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:12

Surprise Chicken

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit!

We’ve told these words to our children numerous times since their birth. The daycare used them, then we started using them, now the school uses them. It is part of their psyche, I suppose, by now.

A few months ago, I told you about hatching my first egg. (Read: Something Egg-citing!)

Betty has been doing just clucky and has turned into a very unusual looking chicken, taking mostly after her polish crested father. We eventually got Betty a buddy at the sale barn, whom the kids named Bommy. Betty and Bommy are inseparable… mostly because the rest of the flock never fully accepted them because they are the young ones.

Well, Betty is now about 6 months old, and guess what SHE did last week?

She crowed.

You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit… even with chickens.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Substitution

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

A few weeks after school started, I was looking for something to do, so I signed up as a substitute teacher. So far, I’ve worked at least two days a week ever since at one school and have covered PE, art, learning disabled, T-1, 1st, 2nd, and special education. I feel my life has been infinitely expanded through my serving as a substitute and I now have a greater appreciation for what my kids’ teachers go through in an average day. I also have a more profound respect for those who wish to homeschool their own children, and a few ideas as to why they thought that might be a good idea in the first place.

Thought I would share with you a list of things I’ve learned in the past several weeks from my taking the place of someone more qualified and experienced, if just for the day.

1. I feel like Wonder Woman or Batman every time I get the call to substitute teach. It’s like, “I got the call! Gotta go!” Thankfully, spandex is not required.

2. There is a great disparity in ability and willingness among the children in individual classrooms. Keeping those engaged who are bored, and bringing up those who are behind is a constant balancing act the teacher must perform.

3. The children will try the substitute teacher for approximately two hours after the departure of the real teacher. They may try things such as telling the sub they get double snacks, suggesting proper recourse for a misbehaving classmate, or inferring that the sub is doing everything wrong. Self-doubt is preyed upon and must not be visible to the children!

4. The good thing about being a sub is that you get to make your own rules and don’t have to really do it the way the teacher would. You can wreak havoc and then never return.  *insert evil laugh here*

5. Children who are in special classes for extra help may not remember that you were there three weeks ago and know full well they know how to do their math homework and count to 20 on a number line, no matter what they say!

6. Watching two very mobile special education children on a playground with 150 other kids is not my idea of a picnic.

7. Carrying a 50 lb. special education kid who has fallen and scraped her knee makes you feel like you’re in the World’s Strongest (Wo)Man contest after about 100 feet.

8. Some classes are more emotionally unstable than others and you may feel as if you’ve played Dr. Phil to a host of tiny socialites before going home for the day.

9. Some boys will draw inappropriate additions to dot-to-dot animals that may crack up the substitute teacher – on the inside.

10. Orchestrating Dodge Ball between 50 children is one of the greatest thrills you could ever hope to have.

11. A PE whistle brings about an undue sense of power.

12. Some children who have problems at home may feel compelled to tell a complete stranger of their plight.

13. Having the appropriate response to “My dad’s in jail!” is not something I’d ever thought of before.

14. My son is now widely known throughout the school because his mother has been a substitute teacher. He beams with pride every day that I am there.

15. Children that I have had in class before remember me, holler at me, and hug me in the hallway.

16. This may be as close to a celebrity as I ever become.

17. I love decorating bulletin boards!

18. I’m only 5’9”, but second graders see me as an amazon woman, and point it out regularly!

19. School may be the only personalized attention that some children get all day.

20. I’m more thankful each day for my own children, for their personalities and abilities, for our family and our home life, for their ideas and independence, and for the chance to see the other side through the eyes of a substitute teacher.

See, and you thought kids were the only ones getting anything out of this thing called SCHOOL!

Now go out and hug a teacher today! And give thanks to the greatest substitute of all – Jesus.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” Matthew 19:14

Fly Away

Since I’ve been negligent of my blog postings lately, due to illness, substitute teaching and some light traveling, I thought I’d post some pictures from this year’s monarch raising as the season draws to an end. The song that is most applicable, of course, is I’ll Fly Away, and I think of my monarchs every time I hear it. Now everyone sing along: 

Some glad morning when this life is o'er,

I'll fly away;

To a home on God's celestial shore,

I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, Oh Glory

I'll fly away;

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,

I'll fly away.

When the shadows of this life have gone,

I'll fly away;

Like a bird from prison bars has flown,

I'll fly away

I'll fly away, Oh Glory

I'll fly away;

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,

I'll fly away.

Just a few more weary days and then,

I'll fly away;

To a land where joy shall never end,

I'll fly away

I'll fly away, Oh Glory

I'll fly away;

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,

I'll fly away.

Hand to Hold

“I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, you steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.” Proverbs 4:11-12

There we were, out in the barn again, having a late night run around. Then it was time to head to the house, it was after dark, after all.

My 7YO, caught in mid-run when my husband flipped off the light, unfortunately found himself sprawled out on a chicken cage in a matter of seconds in the dark.

His injuries were announced with screaming and husband flipped the light back on. Bruised and scraped shin, scratched arm with giant bruise, and several other areas where skin had once been, but was no more. A horrendous crash!

Of course, I tried to comfort him as best I could, but was really empty-handed until we got back into the house. He asked, “Will you carry me?” My 7YO weighs more than 60 lbs. now. I have found with chicken and horse feed that my weight limit is approximately 40 lbs. from house to barn.

“No, honey, I can’t carry you,” I say.

“Well, just hold my hand then,” he says.

So I did.

And that made him feel better. Good enough that he was able to walk to the house and wipe his tears away. He almost rejected my SpongeBob band-aids I have for such an occasion.

Sometimes all it takes to get us through a painful spell is a hand to hold to lead us.

Proper lighting doesn’t hurt either.

“Then Jesus told them, ‘You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of the light.’ When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them.” John 12:35-36

This Old House

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to tear down and a time to build.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3

Our house is old.

The courthouse says it is older than I am by 6 years, but I believe that to be true for only parts of it.

I believe the closets are from the 1930s judging by the wallpaper and plasterboard walls behind it.

So that makes it WAY older than me.

And then there’s the upstairs.

Strangely more modern but with impossibly small, steep stairs and creaky floors.

Was an architect or general contractor even consulted for this mish mash project??

Who knows?

Needless to say, every time we try to do an “upgrade” it turns into something a bit more than what we’d bargained for. But we always learn a lot. So, today, I thought I would share what we’ve learned living in our home about its past and life before us.

1. Our neighbor, who has lived in his house since 1955, says that there was once a house on our property that burned to the ground, and then they moved in a house and built on to it. I’m guessing a house built in the 1930s and moved to this location in 1970, the year on file with the courthouse.

2. For 15 years, my house had a porch and the entry faced west.

3. In 1985, the upstairs’ two bedrooms and bathroom and two-car garage were added, creating a laundry room downstairs and a North-facing front door.

4. This occurred shortly before the previous owner bought the house. He was a bit of a do-it-yourselfer.

5. We bought the house in 2005, and moved in on December 31st. We had two mortgages for one month because our other house had not sold yet. Our other house was brand-new when we bought it.

6. The first room we “upgraded” was the kitchen. We started out with appliances since the stove had to be turned on with at pair of pliers and was harvest gold in color. The dishwasher was so loud that you couldn’t talk over it, and during the rinse cycle it would belch out a column of steam into the kitchen like some kind of deranged dragon. It also had a sea foam blue interior and was more of a glorified rinsing machine, as it never actually “washed” any dishes.

7. The walls of the kitchen were covered with lattice-patterned fruit and floral wallpaper down to a chair rail. Below the chair rail was fireboard that looked like white brick. Fancy! There was also a fake enclosure built above the cabinets to connect them up to the ceiling.

8. One night, I threw a crowbar through that fake enclosure and ripped it all out.

9. Another night, I got mad and ripped out all the wallpaper.

10. Beneath the wallpaper we found that our kitchen had once been lime green, and so it was again, much to my horror! We also found that wallpaper and fireboard hides a lot of imperfections in drywall.

11. And then there were the beams. Two big dark wooden beams running across the length of the ceiling. We didn’t like them, so we ripped them out too. The only problem was that even though the first beam was decorative, the second was not. Ooops! So it had to stay. We drywalled over it and it now matches the ceiling.

12. The chair rail was attached to the wall with three-inch nails. Guess they were afraid it might not stay put.

13. The fireboard was GLUED to the wall and then nailed. Guess they were really afraid it was going to take off.

14. Oh, and the lime green walls matched the Holly Hobby themed green contact paper that lined all of my kitchen cabinets. Holly Hobby had to stay, as she had become a part of the cabinets and could not be removed. Holly Hobby must have been a stubborn girl.

15. Our pharmacist’s husband does excellent drywall work on his days off as a fireman and had our whole kitchen finished with new ceiling matching old in three days.

16. Making walls smooth again is called “refloating” the walls.

17. Dark red paint covers anything lime green very nicely.

18. It takes months to recover from “updating” any room of your house.

19. Several, and I do mean several, months later, we started on our downstairs bathroom.

20. Our bathroom used to be some kind of porch. We found the porch floor when we tore out the top floor.

21. The earthy smell that my bathroom had had when it was damp outside was actually the remnants of what had been quite a large rat’s nest in the walls and subfloor.

22. We found lots of rat droppings, an empty box of D-con, rocks, and a sock in the walls. Not sure on the rocks or the sock.

23. We also found rat bones under the tub and sink.

24. Sometimes a room will never be clean, no matter what you do to it, until you tear out all the walls and fixtures.

25. I wrote our names and date on the lower porch floor so that if someone ever decided to do it again, they would know they weren’t the first.

26. We also found a window behind the tub. It could not be resurrected, so it is still behind the tub enclosure. Only this time it is insulated and boarded up properly. We hope!

27. That disgusting feeling can sometimes be eliminated with a fresh coat of paint, or a ShopVac.

28. Our living room had a huge draft from the window behind (yes, behind) our entertainment center, so since the weather has been nice, we decided to “fix” it last Saturday.

29. The window was broken and installed in such a way that the window could not be fully closed.

30. The trim boards were (again) nailed to the walls with three-inch nails.

31. There must have been a big sale on three-inch nails.

32. Our drywall in the living room was placed directly over the paneling that had once covered the walls. It was that lovely shade of brown-gray so popular in the 1970s.

33. If a tornado ever comes, we have lots of wall reinforcement downstairs.

34. Our luck it will be the only house still standing.

35. You should always measure and have a replacement window in hand before tearing out an old window.

36. Nothing is standard size on my house.

37. Home Depot and Lowe’s take up to three weeks to get a custom window in.

38. The Habitat for Humanity Restore might have what you’re looking for, but it will be at the bottom of the pile, and your children will become very cranky.

39. A standard sized window can work if you have a husband and an uncle that are so inclined to remove the outside covering of your house, trim down a vinyl window to just the frame, move the header of the window and several side boards, and cut through the drywall inside the house.

40. We now have one standard-sized vinyl window.

41. And all the other windows on the downstairs of the house are encased in rock on one side.

42. Should make for interesting window replacement in the future.

43. More window replacement will not occur for several, and I do mean several, months.

44. Oh, and the old window frame had turquoise blue paint on it. What a colorful life our house has led!

45. The more work we do to our house, the more it becomes “ours”.

Happy home remodeling, if that so happens to be what you’re doing today. Otherwise, be thankful you’re not in the throes of updating!

Oh, and don’t come over just yet. We haven’t put everything in the living room back in its place just yet, since I’ve decided to paint it while the furniture is all moved. And then there are two more windows to replace, which will require all new trim… It could be several, and I do mean several, more months!

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1