Rosie the Chicken

For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Lord God; so turn, and live. - Ezekiel 18:32


So I have this chicken…

My dog is a known lover of chickens.  His name is Lucky, but occasionally he turns into his alter-ego, El Diablo, and kills and eats one of my chickens that has gotten out.  Or my ducks.  Or random bunnies.  He’s a meat eater by nature.  It’s no fault of his own that they are delicious.

So we keep the dog separate from the chickens at all possible moments and keep the chickens’ wings trimmed to minimize their flying over the fence and into enemy territory. 

But…

A couple of months ago I noticed we had a regularly out black hen.  Her morning trek takes her over her own fence, across the backyard, over the dog’s fence and into his pen, where she looks for a morning snack of june bugs that have drown in his swimming pool overnight.  Several times we’ve come home to find the chicken and dog in the dog pen.  So far, El Diablo has been ignoring the deliciousness of said chicken.

This morning she was perusing the selection of my garden and its fallen tomatoes and was selecting her breakfast from bugs under the oak tree. 

Our chicken reminds me of the hen from the children’s book Rosie’s Walk.  Our dog is the fox.  In the book Rosie takes quite a perilous walk about the farm with the fox always hiding in the bushes watching the chicken. 

Our chicken is brave.

And bold. 

And perhaps a little oblivious.
 

Just like Rosie...  So that shall be her name. 

RA, TP, and Hydrocortisone Cream

“Keep your love for one another at full strength, because love covers a multitude of sins.”  1 Peter 4:8

 

In celebration of Mother’s Day this week, and a lack of progress in my book writing endeavor, I have decided to reactivate my blogging in hopes my writing will bring enjoyment to someone.  Me.  You.  Anyone??  Plus, I need to chronicle these stories in case I forget in my old age.  

Anyway, as stated before, I grew up thinking I never wanted children.  And some days I’m still right.  There was no lovey dovey feeling when they handed me my first writhing child, but as luck would have it they’ve grown on me.  Good thing, huh?  I blame endless entertainment as the bond that holds us all together.  

About a month ago, one of my children, who will remain nameless to protect the innocent, had a serious case of the RA*.  In babies, they call it diaper rash, but since he hasn’t seen a diaper in eons, I’m calling it the adult version:  red, chapped, whatever you want to call it, it’s not good! 

This was not the first time inadequate wiping had reared its ugly head, so I had showed him previously my face wipes that he could use to help clean himself up if he suspected the job was too much for toilet paper to handle.  They’re the cheap face wipes from the dollar store, but they contain aloe and are better than dry paper on an already tender crack.  And they won’t set you on fire like baby wipes. 

Not that I know personally.

Okay, maybe I do…

Maybe RA runs in the family. 

Said child had complained at bedtime of pain, burning, overall agitation, and restlessness due to the RA.  I tried everything I knew to help make him comfortable, but nothing was working.  I finally suspected stalling tactics to keep from going to bed, but when he came to me the third time flopping around and actually crying real tears, I knew there was more to the story. 

I asked him what he’d done.  He said he’d used some wipes.  Which wipes?  I asked. 

These…. 

Clorox wipes. 

So child ended up taking a shower about 11PM, got reslathered with the A+D ointment, and finally stopped being hysterical and went to bed. 

Nobody died. 

But good advice would be not to use Clorox wipes as butt wipes.  Just saying.

*****

We went out of town last weekend and stayed in a hotel for two nights.  On the morning after our first hotel stay, I have this conversation with the same child:

“Boy, that new toothpaste of yours really works!  My teeth even feel clean this morning!” he says.

“I know.  I got a whitening one this time and it really cleans your teeth good.”

“I don’t think I even need to brush my teeth this morning, they’re so clean!” he says.

“You still have to brush your teeth.”

“But they’re still clean!” he says.

“No, really, you still have to brush your teeth.”

(Goes into bathroom where father is brushing his own teeth.)

Overheard from father, “Hey, let me see that….  That’s NOT toothpaste!!” 

And what was it? 

Hydrocortisone cream.

That’s why I love them.  Because they make me laugh!

 *Red ass.  That’s what we call it in my house, although we usually use the abbreviation.

Roy's Wheat

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." - Galatians 6:7

Turns out that the side effects of too much sleep, inhaling too much smoke, and eating just plain too much on Fourth of July makes the Fifth of July National Cranky Mother’s Day.  So, I need a diversion, or a time out, or both, and maybe a nap.  I decided to write this instead. 

My stepdad, Roy, died when he was 36 years old of alcoholism.  More specifically: cirrhosis of the liver caused by chronic alcoholism.  I believe that’s exactly what the death certificate said.  Odd that I still remember that.  I can still picture the document.  He was, however, the best stepdad I could have asked for and he loved me.  A lot of my favorite childhood memories involve Roy and his family and all the stuff we used to do together. 

Lately, I’ve had several dreams about Roy.  Now I have weird dreams all the time, but not usually involving people I know.  When they are about actual people, I can really get upset over them because they seem so real.  Anyway, a few weeks back I dreamed I ran into Roy in a grocery store.  He was buying dog food and wearing his red baseball cleats.  I kept telling him how much I missed him and that I hadn’t seen him since he died.  He just kept acting like he had no idea what I was talking about.  And I woke up nearly in tears.  This November 20th will be 17 years since he died.

Now back to real life….

Roy’s family was full of farmers.  His dad raised pigs.  His sister raised cattle.  We had horses.  We picked pecans.  We fished.  We always lived in town, but Roy would plant wheat in our yard.  Usually out by the alley behind and around our redbud tree in a little patch.  It was always shocking green compared with the rest of our grass and I liked to pick the heads of wheat when they finally matured.  I remember hulling out the wheat seeds and sprinkling them around. 

Then one year his family raised a whole field full of wheat.  I remember playing in the back of an old farm truck full of wheat, running the seeds through my fingers.  I also remember we ground some of the wheat with a hand grinder.  I don’t remember what we did with the ground wheat, probably fed it to the pigs, but I remember my hands hurt. 

So, when I think of wheat, I think about Roy.

Three years ago, I had a couple of wheat plants come up by my back porch.  Must have been planted by the birds.  But I thought of Roy.  This was my first wheat crop:

 

I don’t know why I kept the seeds.  Nostalgia, I guess.  Maybe I thought I’d plant them and didn’t, but they’ve been in my laundry room ever since.  I ran across them every now and then.  And I thought about Roy. 

This year I am the same age that Roy was when he died.  I’m not a drinker.  Now that doesn’t mean I never tried a beer when I was younger, or that I didn’t send my husband to the liquor store for whiskey when I was sick of coughing last winter, but I’ve never acquired a taste for alcohol.  I even choose the grape juice at communion.  I have Roy to thank for that.  Living with an alcoholic for 10 years of my life pretty much snuffed out any alcoholic fantasies I might have harbored.  In fact, I find myself suspecting all people who drink of being alcoholics and wondering if it might kill them.  What would their children do without them?  How would they die?  In a car crash?  In their sleep?  Would they kill someone else?  Do their family members know how serious drinking is?  Do they?

I get through holidays, family gatherings, stressful times, relaxing times, and most generally every day of my life with nothing harder than lemonade.  Why can’t they?  Why couldn’t Roy?  And they drink in front of their children. 

I was one of those children.


He’d still be alive today if it weren’t for beer. 

Cases and cases of beer. 

 

This year I have 11 wheat plants that I’ve found in my yard.  I’ll probably collect their seed heads yet again.  This time, though, I think I’ll plant them in my garden area for next year.  Roy’s life was cut short by his habit, but the seeds he sowed into my life are evident every day.  I hope I’m as patient, kind, involved, and hard-working as he was, or at least I hope my kids see me that way, because that’s how I saw Roy.  I saw though that Roy had a character flaw that was a dark shadow on all things about him that were good, and I couldn’t fix that about him.  I hope my children see nothing but sunshine when they think of me! 

Am I in a better mood now?  Probably not.  But my focus is on “reap what you sow”, so I vow to be less cranky and maybe try some sunshine! 

Thanks for the therapy.  I hope I didn’t drive you to drinking!

The ADD Apple Tree - Part 2

“Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.”  Luke 3:5

 
*Continued from The ADD Apple Tree - Part 1

And so it was that in November we started chiropractic treatment for toe walking, postural issues, asymmetry in the chest area, and skeptically, ADD.  At our first appointment, the nurse took several x-rays to assess my son’s spinal alignment from head to pelvis.  Here is what we found.

First, his head was on crooked.  His neck jutted to one side and his head had compensated for it in order to keep the eyes level. 

 

Second, his spine looked more like a meandering path than the straight column it was meant to be.  I’m no radiologist and even I could see something wasn’t right! 

And third, one leg was almost an inch longer than the other due to his hips being out of alignment as well. 

 

He was a chiropractic cash cow!  I say that, but our chiropractor uses a sliding scale based on the age of the child and for my son it was $12 per visit. 

First he wanted to see him three times a week, but I told him that wouldn’t fit with our schedule.  We only had two free evenings as it was.  So we went twice a week for a few weeks.  Then down to once a week for a few more weeks and we are currently sitting at once every two weeks.  It all depended on how well his adjustment “holds”, i.e., how much bone cracking he had to do the next time we came in. 

On the first day, we noticed that his chest looked more symmetrical.  After the first couple of weeks, I noticed he seemed more relaxed when walking and his toe walking had improved.  And after about 10 treatments, my son said, “I think this chiropractor is affecting my brain.  I think it is making me smarter.”  The chiropractor said proper spinal alignment would cut down on the amount of “static” in his brain, therefore making it easier for him to function.

And in this time period, his schoolwork has included learning all the states and their capitals of the Northeast, Southeast, and now the Midwest, along with landforms and other state facts.  He has started long division and is doing 3x3 multiplication, all without extra effort or struggles. 

He still forgets things at school, like his lunchbox, or maybe a homework page once or twice a week, but he usually remembers them the next day.  More importantly, he knows what he forgot the moment I pick him up off the bus, instead of getting home and relying on me to figure it out for him. 

I check on him with his teacher through email and she agrees that he’s come a long way this year.  She said he’s doing a good job staying on task, doing what needs to be done, and keeping track of his papers.  I’m ecstatic that I don’t constantly have to remind him anymore to get his stuff together or do better or stop playing with his pencil in class, and I haven’t had him bring home any papers that he has bombed just because he wasn’t listening when the lesson was covered. 

All in all, if you know anyone who is struggling with the decision to medicate their child due to poor school performance or ADD, I would recommend at least giving the chiropractor a try.  It is certainly worth $12 or $24 a week.  Who knew my kid was so crooked?  He HAS to be feeling better! 

Plus, I probably never would have gotten him married off if we’d have left him with that crooked spine.  :) 

 

We see Dr. Warren.  Here is their website - http://standridgechiropractic.com.

 

*This ain't no paid advertisement. 

 

The ADD Apple Tree - Part 1

"There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off."  Proverbs 23:18

 

Let’s talk about ADD.  Attention Deficit Disorder.  Lack of attention.  Inability to focus.  Executive order problems.  Forgetful.  Being scatterbrained.  Social ineptitude.  Impulsive.

These words, among others, have been used to describe my child.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess.  I won’t say which child, but really that’s only because the other one hasn’t gone through the official “diagnosis” process and probably never will.  You see, my children are borderline ADD. 

As am I – admitting it is the first step, right?  I take all these labels personally, as if it is MY fault, although my husband admits he was a bit of a daydreamer as a child too.  We’re fighting genetics!

Anyway, my kids have been plagued since beginning school with not conforming to the rigors, expectations, and distractions of the public classroom.  Teachers complain, principals call, and recesses are taken away.  They are square pegs trying to be shoved into round holes.    

I have been told for YEARS that something is WRONG with my kids.  And I began to believe it. 

I began to nitpick every time they forgot their lunchbox at school.  I freaked every time they forgot a homework page.  I began questioning whether or not they had a learning disability when they failed to retain information.  Weekly, I would make a mental tally of all the times I’d had to remind them twice about something and it began to add up. 

Maybe there WAS something wrong with my kids!   

So, even though the teacher would start telling me about all the problems she’d had with HER son every time we talked about MY son, I decided to take her advice and consult with my pediatrician.  (It should be noted that my husband was not in agreement, but he did fill out his “parent” survey paper on behaviors and social interactions.)  The teacher submitted her papers as well and the pediatrician said, “I’m seeing some tendencies of mild ADD.”  Then she turned into the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons and pretty much said, “Mwah, mwah, wah, wah, mwah, mwah.”  What I did take from the conversation was “…9YO on a controlled dangerous substance that you’ll have to register with the Bureau of Narcotics to be able to pick up at the pharmacy….. appetite suppressant, so you may want to LOAD UP at the Chinese buffet on the weekends.” 

I asked what we had to gain my medicating him.  She said he would have more learning opportunities and would be able to be more successful in the classroom. 

I told her, “Keep in mind that he is a straight A student and is already in Gifted and Talented.”

She then had a puzzled look on her face and said, “Well then, in your case, not a lot.  I typically see patients who are in peril of being held back in school.  Here’s the prescription.  If you don’t want to medicate him, don’t medicate him.”

At this and other doctor appointments throughout his nine years, I’d mentioned to the doctor that he was stiff, asymmetrical, and walked on his toes a lot.  We actually took him to the doctor because his left ribcage was protruding farther than his right in his abdomen area and the doctor laughed at us and said it was totally normal and sent us home without a charge.  This will be important later. 

Anyway, in shock from our controlled dangerous substance discussion, I began to research alternative methods for treating ADD.  I say “research”.  Google was my laboratory.  My friend, who has a slightly autistic son whom she homeschools, had told me she’d started giving him a cup of coffee in the morning before starting his school work and that it really helped him to focus.  So caffeine was where I started. 

Based on internet calculations, I determined that my child could safely consume up to a half a caffeine pill as an alternate to the prescription drug.  I called my pediatrician, jubilant that I’d found something common that I wanted to try before trying medication.  She quickly shot me down, telling me she did not recommend caffeine for children his age. 

Wait a minute….  You would prefer a controlled dangerous substance over caffeine? 

I got a second opinion from my pharmacist who said she would ABSOLUTELY try the caffeine pills over the prescription drug.  And that was good enough for me!

I told the teacher that I was not willing to medicate him and that I would be giving him caffeine pill every morning before school.  And that was the end of that.  She never commented on his lack of focus for the rest of the school year, and he ended up with high Bs and As as his final grades. 

During this time too, we took him to a pediatric neurologist for the toe walking who didn’t see any immediate concerns, but wanted to do a sleep-deprived MRI, just in case, and had him evaluated for physical therapy due to stiffness with his gross motor skills.  Naturally, the physical therapy office wanted to sign us up for six months worth of appointments for which I would receive an immediate 15% discount if I pre-paid. 

None of these appointments gave me the warm fuzzies! 

I quickly cancelled all future appointments, relying on my gut instinct.  Then I gave it one more try and took him to the orthopedist we’d used twice with his brother’s broken arms because I felt like he would shoot me straight.  He assured me that nothing was physically awry in his feet or legs, but it would be up to my son to fix the way he walks and carries himself.  He said we could do all the physical therapy in the world, but that if it wasn’t a problem for my son and he continued to walk on his toes, he would undo every bit of progress we would make.  He looked right at my son and said, “It’s up to you, buddy.  Mom wants to help you, but Mom can only do so much.”  He said regular exercise, stretching, and sports activities would help with his stiffness.  We continued to play soccer and swam during the summer.

And then summer was over, and he was back to his old tricks, but with a new teacher in a new grade.  She is quick to communicate with me her concerns, which I appreciate.  Better than going along thinking everything is hunky dory and then one day having a bombshell dropped on you that your kid has been having a problem for six months and this is the first you’ve heard of it.  Not that I’m bitter… 

Anyway, she had some serious concerns about his ability to handle this grade’s school work and his ability to focus in the classroom.  She said it was causing him unnecessary and undue stress in the classroom and at home. 

And so, I contacted the Special Education Services office at my school system.  I told them I wanted him tested for a 504 plan under other health issues.  I told them I wanted him evaluated for modifications in the classroom.  I was told they would have a meeting and then decide if he needed to be evaluated. 

This was during the week of Fall Parent/Teacher Conferences.  We’d started playing Fall Soccer and had met a nice family on the sidelines in which the dad was a chiropractor.  His office was in Tulsa and his wife talked to me about chiropracting on numerous occasions. 

Now, let’s get my opinions of chiropractors out of the way.  I was not a fan of chiropractors.  I’d had spinal manipulations all my life, but I always went to a D.O. instead of a chiropractor.  I don’t know why.  My family just saw D.O.s.  I began to think that chiropracting was a racket when I worked for the government and had a co-worker who would get out of work assignments on a regular basis because “she had to go to the chiropractor.”  (Say that in a whiney voice.)  So I wouldn’t say that I thought they were a bunch of quacks, but that wouldn’t be far off. 

So we’d met this chiropractor, and I’d talked to his wife on the soccer field.  Then, one of the ladies whom I do exercise classes at the Y, out of the blue, says to me one day, “Hey, is your son still having trouble paying attention in school?  Because we’ve been taking my grandson to the chiropractor and now he’s off his medication and everything.”  Weird.  Two chiropractor coincidences. 

Then we had our Parent/Teacher Conference.  We went all through the meeting with the teacher telling us what behaviors our son needed to work on and what he does typically in the classroom instead of his school work.  Yet his grades remained high.  My husband and I were feeling beat down and destitute and without a clue as to what to do next.  So I asked the teacher, “If he was your kid, what would you do?”

She said, “Off the record?”  (I agreed, but I guess it’s on the record now….)

She said, “Now this is going to sound weird, but I’d take him to a chiropractor.”

The hub and I looked at each other like “whoa, that was weird,” and we left with the distinct feeling that someone was trying to tell us something.   I made our son a chiropractic appointment the next day, the day before his 10^th birthday, and the same day the school decided he wasn’t bad enough to be evaluated for a 504 plan.   

 

*To be continued………………….

Life Compliments

“You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”  Matthew 5:14

 

Have you ever received a compliment that you think might stick with you the rest of your life?  I got one from my friend Jill once.  It was one of those terrible chain mail-like emails where you had to list three people and then give them each a compliment, and then they had to list three people, and so on and so on.  I don’t remember who I listed, but I remember what Jill said about me:  “She always does the right thing.”

That was one of the nicest things anybody has ever said about me.  Oh, I’m sure somebody’s told me I had nice hair and meant it, or that I’m a good cook or whatever, but those compliments don’t have staying power for me because they are minute to minute.  One minute with the window down and my hair wraps itself around my head like a turban.  One minute too long on Facebook and I’ve burned the macaroni.

That compliment said something about my character and my character is something I think I can keep.  It said that I was fair and that I had others’ intentions at heart.  It said that even though sometimes the road might be rough, that I would choose the right path.  I loved it and I love Jill, who coincidentally always does the right thing too.  We also share the same gift of “telling it like it is”, so if you ever need an intervention, you know who to call! 

Well today I received my second life-sticking compliment.  It was from a near stranger.  His name is Larry and he’s stepped on my toe in Zumba before, but besides that we’ve had limited contact.  We smile and say hi, but I only just learned his name today. 

He said: “You seem like you’re always happy and really enjoy life.”   

I told him that I do, and then he proceeded to ask me what I did for a living, and I told him I’m a Lady of Leisure.  He seemed surprised by this.  Then he tried to get me to go back to school to get a degree, and I told him I already had one, and then I had to spill the rest of my work experiences.  He was impressed with my litany of qualifications and tried to convince me I needed a job (like I need anyone else to remind me I have NO money).  Okay, substituting.  I still have substituting!    

But his opening comment stuck with me. 

“I’m happy and I enjoy life.”   

Or at least I seem that way to others.  But for the most part, it’s the truth.  Even though I have days where I think I’m getting the shaft, or that the whining will never end, or that it will take an act of Congress to get something done, I’m mostly happy. 

Even when I burn dinner, or I’m cussing the sewing machine, or the dog won’t stop barking in the middle of the night and I have to go out to the barn with the broom and chase him around, I mostly enjoy the process.

So how do others see you?  Do they tell you?  Do you agree?  Sometimes it takes a stranger to make us see ourselves a little clearer.  And hopefully we’re happy with what we see.  The funny thing is, my impression of Larry is the same as his impression of me.  He seems like a fun person to be around every time I see him.  He’s never without a smile.  He dances in Zumba like no one is watching (which we’re really not because we’re all concentrating too hard on not falling down ourselves).  And he acknowledges people every time he sees them.  I learned today that he’s a retired high school teacher and I’ll bet he was a great one! 

He taught me something, didn’t he? 

The Duck Quilt

"Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?"  Ecclesiastes 4:11

My Granny Donaldson gave me this quilt.  She called me one day, sometime before I got married in 1997, and said she had something for me.  She was quite the quilter and had a huge quilting machine in her house.  I was less than impressed with the duck quilt, considering I’d seen some of her other creations, but I remember her telling me “I thought it might keep you warm.”

Granny Donaldson died in 2001 at the age of 96.  The duck quilt never found a prominent place in my house.  It’s a bit manly.  Doesn’t really go with anything, and the 20 ducks on it are a little too brown and orange for me.  Plus, Granny Donaldson is gone now and I’m never getting another one, so I should put it away and save it.  But…

In 2007, we experienced an ice storm here in Northeast Oklahoma that caused horrible damage and power outages and constraints on normal folks that I wish not to live through again.  Trees literally exploded with the weight of the ice breaking enormous branches.  Standing out in front of our house the next morning, we thought we were in a war zone for all the explosions of trees around us.  Our power was out, but the husband had secured a generator from his workplace for us to use. 

There was a mad dash to secure a generator if you did not have one, and we provided the cash necessary for our neighbor to buy a large one from a wholesaler who had come to my bank to sell generators.  Everyone was desperate!   

We have a wood burning fireplace, so we camped out in the living room for 13 days without power!  One of the things I did to conserve heat was to place this quilt in my doorframe that leads to the upstairs of our house.  I remember thinking then that “it had kept me warm” just as Granny Donaldson had said it would. 

It was without a doubt the worst camping adventure I’d ever had and I hope not to do it again!

Ever!

And then yesterday, our air conditioner to the upstairs decided to die.  While we didn’t have to worry about freezing to death, sleeping was a high priority last night.  We camped out, once again, downstairs, but this time we slept in the extra bed and bedroom since we didn’t have to keep the fire going.  And once again, I hung Granny Donaldson’s quilt in my doorway to conserve energy.  And I’d say it is working!  The upstairs thermostat is currently reading 81, while we are sitting at 73 downstairs.  The air conditioner has only kicked on a few times in the past hour, so I’d say the quilt is keeping me cool too! 

Thank God for two air conditioning units, local repairmen who will hopefully show up today, and a less than impressive duck quilt from someone who knew I would need it!

And Then There Were Nine...

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." - Emma Lazarus, Statue of Liberty, Mittens the Cat

So my last post about the Orange Kitten was just the beginning of what becomes a story of strife, rejection, consternation, and adoption.  Read on. 

It was last Monday night and a teacher-friend’s daughter had just returned to her car from night classes at the local junior college.  What should she find, but a box of four kittens on the hood of her car!   Kittens that were too young to not have a mother.  Kittens that were about a week or so old.  Kittens who were dumped by doofuses who should be sterilized and never allowed to reproduce. 

Teacher-friend’s daughter has a good heart and takes the kittens home, even though she could have just set the box on the next car’s hood.  Teacher-friend has another teacher-friend who has had success in hand-raising kittens, so they pawn…  I mean, leave the kittens… in her care.  Teacher-friend’s teacher-friend feeds the four kittens for three days with a bottle until I catch wind of the story. 

“I have a lactating cat!” I announce.

And so it was arranged that the other teacher-friend would deliver the kittens to me, just moments before an impending field trip to the zoo with my oldest son, so that I could pawn…  I mean, leave the kittens… in the care of Mittens, our new mother cat. 

“This is her first set of kittens,” I told them.  “She doesn’t know that four more don’t usually show up a week later.”

I had the kids pet the kittens profusely on the way from the school to my house.  That way they would at least smell like us.  Their eyes were matted and their fur a bit unkempt, but maybe Mittens wouldn’t suspect they were dumped. 

We plopped the four new kittens in the box with the five existing kittens and left for the zoo.

Hours later we returned to find Mittens happily snuggling with all NINE baby kittens.  Apparently she has a heart for adoption.  She’d considerably cleaned up the kittens as well and everyone appeared happy and satisfied about the situation as evidenced by a pile of sleeping kittens.

And the story would end there with “and they all lived happily ever after”, except for this one kitten.  He’s bigger than all the others.  I’ve named him Bubba due to head size and have been fascinated with his behavior.  He swats and plays and gets the other kittens in headlocks.  His ears stand up.  He’s getting teeth and he administers the bunny-kick to all his unsuspecting siblings.  Everyone else lays there like a slug.  No teeth.  Folded ears.  Thinking “WHYYYYYY?????” when he grabs the in a choke hold. 

  

So, not only did the doofuses dump the kittens, they didn’t even keep the litter together.  Here’s three from one litter and a bonus kitten!  Two mama cats without babies now, somewhere out there.

Thankfully, through the magic of Facebook and a few mushy photographs, most of the kittens are already spoken for.  I still have a couple that I may end up giving away as parting gifts at Bunco, or perhaps as an end-of-season prize for soccer, but if there is anything to be learned from this, it is this:

1. God gives animals a heart for the innocent, wayward, and helpless, so surely that is a part of himself he has instilled in us as well. 
2. We would all do well to heed the advice of Bob Barker and “have your pets spayed or neutered”.

And maybe our doofuses too!

My Nursing Home Plan

“Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God.  I am the Lord.”  Leviticus 19:32

I always say that I had children so I would have someone to put me in a nice nursing home someday.  I have no denials about getting old and needing round-the-clock convalescent care.  In fact, I intend to be a huge burden!  Most likely I will lose my mind, but no one will really be able to tell the difference.  And I intend to start drinking once I enter the nursing home.  I’m going straight for the hard liquor.  I figure if, by then, I will have held off for 80 years or so, what’s the use in holding out any longer?  Plus, maybe it will make my days go faster. 

I worked in the kitchen at a nursing home for about four years during my teenage hood, so I have no myths or false assumptions about what a nursing home entails.  And, I have every intent of using every amenity to the best of my ability.  In fact, sometimes I wish I had one of those emergency nurse buttons now.  She could bring me a drink of water when I’m already in bed… 

Anyhow, Grandma Hazel has been in a nursing home or like facility for numerous years, but due to failing condition and several episodes, she has moved several times in the past couple of years.  The kids and I have visited her at least once at each of the facilities she’s been at.  The first was an assisted living facility and had a big dog that the kids liked to pet.  The second was a “memory” facility where one lady asked my youngest if his name was Thomas at least 97 times while we were there because he was wearing a Thomas the Train shirt.  The third was more of a nursing home facility that had birds in a glass cabinet that the residents could sit and watch.  And her current facility is homey and has a giant fish aquarium in one of the sitting areas. 

Yes, some of the people are scary.  Yes, they are desperate for visitors.  Yes, you can sometimes smell pee.  Let’s just get all that out there!  I think those are the usual reasons people tend to shy away from regular visits to the nursing home. 

So on Monday night, my 7YO tells me, “Mommy, I love you.  I’ll make sure you go to a nice nursing home.” 

Have I groomed him well or what?

And then he starts talking about what my nursing home will be like.  And then he decides that he’ll build me a nursing home.  Here will be some of the amenities:

• A swimming pool and hot tub
• My own cat
• A TV in my room
• A fish aquarium in my room, with a larger aquarium in the hall to hold extras, in case my fish die
• Meatloaf on Sundays (The meatloaf cracks me up because I think I’ve made meatloaf maybe once in his life.)

Then he asks, “How do the people who work at the nursing home go to church on Sundays since the nursing home still has to be open?”

I told him that the workers who were working didn’t go to church because they had to be there, but that sometimes a pastor would come to the nursing home to have a church service for the people there.

“That’s what we’ll do, then,” he said.  “We’ll have all the people lined up and they can just raise their hands if they need help.”

He’s got it all figured out.

Hopefully, we’ll only have grape juice at communion.    

He also said we would only have girl nurses because girl nurses are nice.  I told him boy nurses could be nice too.  He said, “Okay, we’ll have boy nurses too,” and decided that his brother would do the hiring.

“I hope you don’t have to have a wheelchair,” he told me. 

“Me too,” I said.  I’ve spent enough time sitting on my butt as it is. 

“I’ll say a prayer that you don’t have to have a wheelchair,” he told me right before bed.

“Say one too that it will be a LONG time before Mommy has to go to the nursing home,” I told him.

“Okay!”

Now everyone else pray that his plans pan out!