Blizzard Day 5 - The End

The morning started out with breaking ice in the horse and chicken water with a t-post since the breaker had flipped in the barn. Not too much ice, but enough that nobody was getting any water. I’m no electrician, but I flipped it back on. Then it was tripped again this evening. No telling. It is a dream I have not to need the water heaters someday soon. It is just a dream.

However, since I was able to get out and about today, navigating with success to the fabric store and the mall, I hereby declare the 2011 blizzard… OVER! I’m over it. I’m over the snow. I’m over being stuck in the house.

And now in memory of the blizzard, a few photos of the event. (Picture some kind of sappy song playing here, like it’s one of those slide shows at a funeral home.)

Scooter running for hay.

Roany not wanting to be left out. 

Lucky wishing he was a little bit taller. 

Neighbor dog looking for somebody to play with.

My kid in his snow igloo. 

 Monster parking lot pile.

Chickens in the snow.

Let the great thaw begin!!

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."  Ecclesiastes 7:8



Blizzard Day 4 - Peace of Mind

“…my cup runneth over.” Psalm 23

Yesterday I wrote about the neighbor who couldn’t get eggs at the store and came to my house for a dozen. Well, same neighbor today was at the local ice cream store in search of milk, found some, and thought of me. He called my other neighbor to have him call me and see if I still needed milk. I said yes and other neighbor called him back. Quite a neighborly affair.

I now have two full gallons and one partial gallon of milk. The milk rationing is over. Milk will flow again at dinnertime. Our cups will overflow.

Of course, this means we could potentially make it another week or so without getting out of the house…

Oh, and guess what?

It’s snowing again!

And more is expected on Sunday.

And Wednesday.

And it's going to be freezing all week.

I think I'll go cry now.

But at least it won't be over spilt milk. 

“May the Lord now show you kindness and faithfulness, and I too will show you the same favor because you have done this.” 2 Samuel 2:6

Blizzard Day 3 - Desperation

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Three days with no mail or paper.

Three days we’ve spent mostly here in the house.

Three days we’ve had enough quality time to choke a horse.

So, we got out today. We all rode along to the grocery store, more as a symbolic gesture than anything. Talks of bare shelves were circulating, but we were out of cat food and needed some kind of diversion so we took off in the husband’s pickup.

No milk.

No eggs.

No meat.

But we did see our neighbor, Mike, from down the road at the store.

Our road is basically one-lane for a couple of miles, so it was interesting when someone was coming toward us. For the most part it was an uneventful five mile trip. We only were perilously close to being sucked into the ditch twice while the hub was looking at icicles and snowdrifts.

Remember, we haven’t been out much.

Since we were all bundled up anyway, the hub decided to take the kids to the park to go sledding. He took two tow chains and picked up another kid along the way. All the while I enjoyed the peace and quiet and fed all the animals, including the birds.

Then Mike calls to see if we have any extra eggs, since the grocery store had been all out. We haven’t bought eggs since the Great Chicken Massacre of 2008 and always have at least a dozen or so extra. I told him our special blizzard price was $10 a dozen, but apparently there are laws in effect to protect against price gouging during times of emergency, so our usual price of “free” had to stand.

Mike came and got his eggs and gave the kids some candy.

I thought it was kind of funny that we have a mega-grocery store just a few miles from our house, but the neighbors relied on us to fill their egg needs today. Maybe there is something to this self-sufficient thing after all.

Now if we only had a cow…

“But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.” 1 Corinthians 8:8

Homekeeper Journal 2/3/2011

This week's journal prompts brought to you by Sylvia over at the Christian Homekeeper Network.  Check her out at http://www.christianhomekeeper.org/. 

In My Kitchen this week ……

We’re using up odds and ends this week. It’s actually been quite easy to do since we received about two feet of snow beginning Monday night and haven’t left the house since.

When I think about Crafting/Sewing/Making Things, I want to …

do more. I would like to learn to sew better than I do now, but I know that practice makes perfect and I haven’t seen any tempting sewing courses available in my area. I have a lot of yarn I need to use up too, but just can’t seem to get back into crocheting.

My favorite creative outlet is ……..

writing and taking pictures. Very immediate. I also think of cooking as a creative outlet too. I do that a lot. I used to crochet a lot too, but haven’t for several years.

A Craft that I’d like to learn is ….

I don’t think there are many crafts that I would not like to learn. I’ve always wanted to know how to weld. I would like to be able to make baskets. Carving appeals to me. Sewing, knitting, drawing, painting, grooming dogs… Pretty much everything.

One Craft that I can do but don’t do much is ….

Crochet. I need to get back on it. I wouldn’t even have to buy yarn.

An unusual Craft that I can do or would like to do is ….

I would like to know how to do blown glass, stained glass, or make pottery. I would also like to play around with a wood lathe, just to see if I could make something.

Another Craft that I secretly long to do but don’t right now is ….

rug making. I would like to know how to make rag rugs. I know it has something to do with crocheting and material. Not that I have a place for a big rug. Not that it would go with anything.

The Craft/Creative Work that I have no desire whatsoever to do ……

is soap or candle making.

Blizzard Day 2 - The Aftermath

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:40

Day two of surviving the Oklahoma Blizzard 2011.  Getting kind of boring in the house, but we did manage to have snowball fights and build igloos outside today.  Word of food in the stores running low is circulating, but I can report that thanks to my obsessive-compulsive grocery shopping but not eating, we still have plenty of food to make it another week or so if we have to.  Weird food week continues!   
 
Last night about midnight we heard a backhoe running.  It sounded very close to our house and like it was maybe going up and down the street.  We awoke this morning to find this:

My neighbor, Tim, had cleared our entire street and everyone's driveways!  What a guy!  He will forever be known now as the Midnight Snow Bandit. 

Lots of neighbors were out today helping out one another.  I walked down to the main road and saw two of my neighbors outside.  I also met a new guy from down the street who was out on his tractor with a blade on the back trying to get his son out of his driveway so he could go to work.  Another neighbor with a tractor came out to relieve a couple of men with snow shovels trying to complete the impossible task of clearing their driveway by hand. 

By the way, this is the main road.  Anyone want to start making guesses about how long it takes the county to come out and plow it?  I'm going with three weeks based on previous experiences, but we've never had quite this much snow. 

Anyway, thank goodness for neighbors and friends like Tim, and Mr. Graham, and Mr. Fuller, and Ruby and Nathan, and Charlie and Kathy, and this guy up above that I don't know yet.  Thank goodness for keeping up with each other and making sure everyone is okay during weather like this and for sharing the load. 

Now to dream up neighbor care packages with what I have on hand. 

I'm sure not going to the store!

"We who are strong, ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up."  Romans 15:2

Blizzard Day

“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” Psalm 51:7

Greetings from the Oklahoma Blizzard! Only the second one in history according to overly excited newsmen.

Well, the snow started with lightning and thunder and everything last night about 11 pm at my house and the snow is still falling. The weatherman on TV just said that my town likely got about 21 inches! Whoever heard of such nonsense??

The day started out with a check of the weather, of course, and the hub and I got a big kick over a mental health counselor they had on the local station this morning. He was trying to schmooze things over for those who were prone to freak outs over the snow, but he was most entertaining when he explained in a nasally voice that you should look at this time in the house as a positive thing.

“There’s many things you can do,” he explained, “like cooooook. You can cooooook and baaaaaake.”

And those were pretty much the only two options he gave. Maybe he didn’t have much of an imagination.

But his voice has been imitated in this house many times today while trying to figure out what to do to entertain ourselves.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know.  What do you want to do?"

"Well, we could coooook.  Or cooooook and baaaaaake."

We’ve done some cooking, but not any more than normal. I followed through on my weird food week, using up items like stick margarine and beef base on our late lunch of mashed potatoes, hamburger mushroom gravy and mixed vegetables. We had toast and jelly this morning so we could try out the plum jelly that I got around to making last night out of my frozen plums.
I think it turned out quite edible considering how sour those plums were yesterday.

We’ve Skyped with our Russians (who were actually impressed with our snowfall this time), we’ve made a gingerbread house that I got on sale after Christmas, we’ve played video games, we’ve read, we’ve worked on our TV’s color settings, we’ve made snow ice cream. And I just caught the hub slipping away for a nap.

And guess what? We get to do it all over again tomorrow. The school has already cancelled for tomorrow too!

So whether you’re coooooking or baaaaaaking today, I hope your mental health is holding out. And if life gives you snow, I hope you can at least make snow ice cream.  Plenty of clean white stuff around here, that's for sure!

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Weird Food Week

“When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, ‘Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.’” John 6:12

The weatherman says we’re fixing to get it!

Snow, snow and more snow! And our snowman from our last 4 inches hasn’t even completely melted just yet! Oh, the agony!

Anyway, I decided over the weekend that this was going to be weird food week because every week I spend $100 or more at the grocery store, and every week we still have those perpetual cans of beans and pasta sauce in the cabinet. And sometimes I even buy more beans and pasta sauce because they are my crutches at the grocery store. It is mental illness, I’m sure, but we’ll never starve to death!

Oh, and sour cream…

I bought another one today.

Since we’re gearing up for what may likely be the biggest snowfall of our winter, I ran to the store this morning like the rest of the winter-storm-warning-crazed people and purchased staple items like milk and bread just in case we never make it out of the house again!!! But for the most part, this week we will be using up food from our freezers and our pantry and other stashes around the house to see just what we keep, but never seem to eat. Wish us luck!

With that I leave you with: Freezer Find #1.

Plums from my grandma’s trees that she sent with my uncle several months ago. Plums that are so sour they can put any lemon to shame. Plums that will hopefully make nice jelly.

I’ll let you know later, as I forgot the pectin and have to go back to the grocery store again! Ha!

“[Jesus said] ‘Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.’” John 6:27

Lucky

Lucky…

Lucky to have been found in a field after someone dumped him.

Lucky to have survived by himself in the cold.

Lucky to have been picked up by someone who tried to take care of him.

Lucky to have been taken to the animal shelter.

Lucky to have been cared for by a helper of the shelter.

Lucky we came to the library early that day.

Lucky the librarian is the founder of the animal shelter.

Lucky she asked us to “foster” this puppy.

Lucky he was so cute my kids fell in love with him the first day.

Lucky he didn’t cry all night.

Lucky I clean up after him.

Lucky he thinks I’m his Momma.

Lucky my husband has funny conversations with him.

Lucky he likes cats and chickens.

Lucky he’s growing like a weed.

Lucky we’ve had him a month.

Lucky it looks like he’s not leaving.

Lucky I like his stinky breath.

Lucky the kids named him Lucky.

Whacks, Scars, and Roads in California

“We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, we were eyewitnesses of his majesty.” 2 Peter 1:16

I don’t know anything about being Jewish. I’ve never had a Jewish friend. I’ve never known any Jewish families. I’ve not ever stepped foot inside a Jewish synagogue.

But, I do read. And the author of the most recent book I read was Jewish. She shared little tidbits about her faith along the way, although they weren’t really relevant to most of what the book was about.

One of the little tidbits she shared was the story of your bashert – your soul mate – that I liked very much and will paraphrase her telling it here.

Before your infant soul is sent down from Heaven to make you into the person you are to become, an angel meets with you and takes you on a mini-tour of what will be your life. One of the things the angel shows your infant soul is the person you will marry – your bashert. Then the angel strikes you under the nose, making that little valley between your nostrils and your top lip, and erases your infant soul’s memory of this tour. However, just enough of the memory remains so that later in your life, when you meet your bashert, you will recognize them.

I thought this was a very sweet way to explain to your children what that little dip under your nose was from. I also liked the thought of the angel whacking us. Good to think that there are angels like me in Heaven.

This pretty much ends my knowledge of all things Jewish.

I liked this story too, because it reminded me of a little thing my stepdad’s family did with the kids in the family.

When the kids were babies, someone (usually my stepdad’s brother) would say, “Show me where the Indian* shot you!”

And the kids would hold up their shirts and show them their bellybuttons.

*Remember, I’m Indian. Not trying to offend the Indians. Just a cute little story about the bellybutton, ok?  Don't kick me out of the tribe.

And that reminds me of a guy I used to work with, whose boy had seen pictures of the parents without his being in the picture because they were taken before he was born.

“Where was I when this picture was taken?” he would ask.

The guy I worked with told him, “California.”

The child eventually made up the story of how he lived and worked on roads in California before he was born to his current family. It helped him feel like he had a life of his own and hadn’t missed out on anything the family had done before he was born.

May all the stories we tell our children always be with the greatest intentions. May our crazy family traditions and stories expand their love for us, and for Jesus, the one whose stories are always true.

“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Homekeeper Journal 1/25/11

Today's blog entry prompts in bold are provided by Sylvia over at http://www.christianhomekeeper.org/.  Check her out for good ideas each week and other people's entries with the same prompts. 

In my Kitchen today …..

so far I’ve eaten Wheat Thins and canned cheese. We all had the stomach yuck this past weekend and are slowly working our way back to the living, gastronomically speaking.

Proverbs 1:5 says: Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance – What this means for me is …..

that even if you think you know everything there is to know, you’d better keep an ear out anyway. And even if you think you understand something fully, there might just be someone out there who could help you because they know just a little bit more.

Proverbs 17:10 tells me that “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” – So I know that …..

Ron White is right when he says, “You can’t fix stupid.”

Proverbs 17:27 says that “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” What this means for me as a woman of God is …….

Lord, don’t let me make an ugly scene out of anger or desperation that I cannot mop up later when I come to my senses. I like to say “I’m better on paper than I am in real life,” and this is most certainly true when I’m having a moment.

Proverbs 13:15 talks about favor – “Good understanding gains favor, but the way of the unfaithful is hard.” –

You have the choice to go it alone, but if you do, good luck. Don’t expect a bed of roses, and don’t expect to find favor with God while you’re out on your own limb.

And finally, Proverbs 20:5 tells me that “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” – This is important for me because ……

My mom always said, “What’s in your heart will eventually fall out your mouth.” Usually those things that fall out of my mouth are in the shallow waters, but if you stick with me, you just might get to the heart of what I’m talking about.

That's What I Get For Thinking

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” Proverbs 26:11

Bet you didn’t know there were bible verses about vomit, did you?

I blame myself really. I’ve heard recently of several people I knew from school having babies (or even grandchildren! Yikes!) and got to thinking it might be nice to have another baby sometime. I opened my big fat mouth to my husband about this just before we went to sleep on Wednesday night. His standard answer: “I don’t know.”

Really, who knows? And if we’d known, would we still?

Two hours later, we’re both up with carpet cleaners in full force for an exploding child for about an hour. There went our uninterrupted sleep.

We spent Thursday nursing sick child back to health on a snow day with doses of sledding and light foods. He fell asleep on the couch at 7 pm by his own will and we wondered if he was going to be okay the next day. 24-hours was what all the moms on Facebook were saying about our affliction.

Friday was another “snow day” although it would only be considered a snow day to people in my neck of the country. No additional accumulation, roads were for the most part clear. We spent part of the day at a children’s museum, me reading, them playing.

Then Saturday rolled around and I woke up feeling like I’d swallowed a brick and it was stuck somewhere under my left set of ribs. We didn’t do a whole lot that day, but I ate at least a couple of times before… I checked into my office for the rest of the evening.

Throwing up has to be one of the most unpleasant bodily functions I can think of. It always takes me back to my pregnancy days because I was so good at it then. Even little things like the movement from the water in the shower would make me gag. Both times I lost 10 pounds during the first three months of my pregnancies. Don’t worry. I was back in the positive by the end, but really, the nausea never really went away.

So there it was. The ramification of even thinking of having another baby. Lost sleep. Tossing my cookies. Then I factored in diapers and milk and crying and decided “Am I nuts?” Needless to say, number three is back on hold and remains a figment of my imagination. And in my imagination, there’s no crying or pumping or diapers or puking.

Wishing you a full night’s rest this evening, with no horrible interruptions, and continued happy thoughts – imaginary or not.

“Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants.” Leviticus 18:28



Homekeeper Journal 1/19/11

Today's blog entry starters provided by Sylvia at the Christian Homekeeper Network.  Check out other blog posts at http://www.christianhomekeeper.org/.

In my homey kitchen …..

Nothing exciting happening today since we eat our dinner at church on Wednesday night and I didn’t even cook the meal this week since we are ordering pizza! However, since there is ice and snow in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow, I’ve already made my symbolic “winter weather” trek to the grocery store this morning and I bought milk, bread, and the ingredients for potato soup for tomorrow, just in case the snow pans out.

My thoughts on being at home ……

I’ve done a lot of living to only be as old as I am. I’ve had many jobs before this stay-at-home gig and I’m sure this won’t be my last. I’ve cooked. I’ve checked groceries. I’ve worked fast food. I was a secretary for a sign business. I was a federal bank examiner. I did IT/BSA/Compliance and special projects requiring lots and lots of research in a bank. And now… here I am, sometimes wondering what I’ll do today. Oh, and occasionally I’m a substitute teacher.

I’m pretty sure I won’t be jetting off to Vegas anytime soon, or seeing the space shuttle take off, or spending three weeks in Washington DC, all on the government’s dime like I did in my previous life. I also know there won’t be any debit or credit entries in my immediate future. Sometimes I think about working the noon shift at a fast food restaurant just for the fun of it, but then I remember the smell of the grease. I think sometimes about checking the groceries, but then I think about that incessant “boop!”

So, I guess I’ll stick with the substituting until the days run out and then maybe complete some projects at home that I’ve been too chicken to start. And eventually I’ll work myself out of a job with the children, once they are able to pay their own bills. But then what? I say this is probably my retirement and when I go back I’ll probably work until I’m 100. Oh well, so long as there’s some per diem and mileage involved, I can probably handle it.

A constant habit I have of making my home comfortable is ….

Keeping the heat turned up, even when we’re gone. I’m working on this, but 90% of the time when I return home, I forget that I’ve turned the thermostat down and run around the house thinking I’m getting sick because I’m freezing to death, and it never occurring to me to turn up the heat. Duh!

If I could change the decor of my home ….

I’d completely start over. I’d like stained concrete floors (heated, of course) with carpet only in the bedrooms and an open living/dining/kitchen area with commercial grade appliances, a vaulted ceiling with exposed beams and an overall “lodge” type style/décor. I’d really like to have a commercial kitchen to work in so that I might work on a little catering business on the side, without living in the shadows of the health department. Someday, someday.

What I want my children/spouse/other family to remember about my home is …

Food – good and plenty of it. And welcoming, regardless of whether the toys are always picked up or not. I want my house to be the hangout when the kids are older and I never want them to feel like they couldn’t have friends over because the house wasn’t clean or something. So, I’m teaching them to clean house too. Another part of my Master Plan of working myself out of a job someday.

Home …

Good, bad, old or new, a house is only a home if there is a family there. No amount of decorating or cleaning or remodeling can change or replace the family who lives there. And in the words of my 8YO, “It’s good to be a family!”

Star Compliments

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

My Kindergartener was Star of the Week last week. This special designation entitled him to fill out a “My favorites” sheet, bring 5 pictures to share with the class, choose his center choice first, sit in a gold chair at carpet time, bring a special show-and-tell on Friday, and…. The epitome of Star-of-the-Week-dom – have the teacher trace his body on a large sheet of paper and receive a compliment from each child in the class, which the teacher writes on the paper.

I was there for the receiving of the compliments and he was SO PROUD!! He also acted a little embarrassed. Humility is nothing without a little shame. Anyway, here is his list of compliments as compiled by his Kindergarten class:

1. He is kind and runs really fast on the playground.

2. He plays nicely with me when we play Power Rangers.

3. I like the color of his hair.

4. He’s a very good friend.

5. He gives a lot of effort.

6. He plays nicely with me when we are playing Star Wars.

7. He is a fabulous friend.

8. He’s kind.

9. I like his eye color.

10. He’s really nice to people.

11. He’s really good at drawing.

12. He’s a very good hand writer.

13. He has enthusiasm (a robust vocabulary word)!

14. He is a very good boy and a very good runner.

15. I like his show-and-tell and he shares his toys.

16. I like him.

17. He plays with me and runs with me.

18. He is special and creative.

19. He plays with me nicely.

20. He’s a good Star of the Week.

21. He’s my best friend.

Each child also drew a picture to go along with their compliment that was bound into a book for my son to keep forever. He’s already looked at the book several times and made comments on all the pictures.

In other words… He loved it!

Now you may not want to trace someone, or draw them a picture, but can you spare a compliment for someone you encounter today? It just might make their Monday.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24

Family Funnies

Believe it or not, I have some colorful characters in my family. The partial purpose of this blog (although I'm not sure what the full purpose is) was for me to chronicle some familial stories. This purpose has been achieved, as I had a very good time of reading some of my posts from about 9 months ago (that I’d already forgotten some of) just last week. They were as funny as the day I’d written them. Anyway, we had a couple of family members over on Friday and the elder of the two who shall remain nameless told a couple of good ones, so I thought I’d write them down.

WARNING: These stories may not be suitable for prim and proper, but they are familial stories nonetheless, worthy of being passed down from generation to generation. Well, at least in MY family.

Anyway, we’ll call the two nameless relatives Dinky and Johannes, just for anonymity.

Story #1 – Dinky proceeds to tell us about his scar on the side of his face that runs from his ear down to his jaw bone. He says that in 1946 he was having a tooth pulled and the dentist was having a tough time getting it out. Dinky says the dentist had his knee up on Dinky’s shoulder and was just about to tear his head off. This left Dinky with a jaw that hung very crookedly off to the right of his face. The dentist said just to eat a lot of lettuce and that would help the jaw. Several days later, after lots of lettuce chewing, the jaw was not getting any better.

So, the left jaw begins to swell… and swell… and swell to a horrible size, and the parents of Dinky decide to take him to the Mayo Hospital 100 miles or so from their home. Dinky said they stuck something up on the roof of his mouth to reset the jaw and in the process they tore his mouth open three-quarters of an inch on either side at the corners. They also put a drain in his jaw and gave him 3,000 (I’m guessing a slight exaggeration) shots of penicillin in his rear.

Classic Dinky-ism: (pointing to my red tablecloth with white snowflakes) “This was my rear (only he didn’t say rear).” We’ll never look at that tablecloth the same again.

I was, of course, horrified by the barbaric medicine and circumstances. He said his dad was told that Dinky only had a 50/50 chance of living. Well, time came for him to get out of the hospital, but he was going to have to go back several times a week for treatment and checkups, so the family sent him home with the JANITOR of the hospital. He stayed in an extra room at the janitor’s house while recuperating.

This fascinated me, too. A terribly sick boy staying at the hospital janitor’s house for convalescent care. But I guess the hub came halfway around the world at 15, and didn’t speak the language…

Anyway, he said when he went to the clinic, there was a mother and daughter standing on the curb waiting for a cab, and the daughter screamed when she saw Dinky. He said he was just skin and bones. He was only 14 years old. I was just amazed by the whole story.

Long story, short, Dinky made a full recovery and that’s the story of the scar by his left ear. I’d always just thought it was a wrinkle. Dinky will be 80 this year.

Story #2 – Shorter, I promise, but it is funny and deserves to be saved. Dinky and Johannes are on a road trip recently and they stop in a local convenience store with a horribly nasty bathroom. They are both disgusted by the bathroom so much that they discuss its condition. Well, further on down the road, someone passes gas.

Dinky yells, “Pull over! Pull over!” as if there is some great emergency.

Driver of said vehicle pulls quickly over thinking something is horribly wrong.

Dinky proclaims, “Someone has poop on their shoes from THAT BATHROOM!”

I’ll be leaving out the bible verses for this entry, just because I’m thinking the nature of this post isn’t exactly reverent (not that many of my posts are!).

However, I thank God for giving me my family – the whole mess.

He knew I’d get a kick out of them!

Spin Cycle

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

Our first snow arrived this morning. Oh sure, a few miniscule flakes fell yesterday afternoon, but today it is visible to the naked eye. We’re projected to get an inch or two, but even that is more than enough for me. I am a winter weather hater.

One of my earliest memories of winter weather was in first grade, I do believe. I had stayed the night at my Nanna’s house and my mom had to come and get me for school. It was icy out and why we were still having school, I don’t know. On the way past the cemetery on our way to school, our car began to spin.

Now I’m not talking like turned sideways and then we went on our merry way. I’m talking like spun around and around and around for what seemed like forever. I was in the front seat of our Toyota Corolla and I remember my mom telling me to put my seatbelt on. I was screaming, scratching at the dashboard like a cat in a tornado, but I managed to get my seatbelt on. I remember my mom taking the car out of gear (it was a standard) and turning off the engine.

And then, we came to an abrupt stop. We’d spun completely across four lanes of the conjoined highway and came to rest in the opposite ditch about a foot from a telephone pole. No harm done. But, as icy as it was, it was not safe to make a left-hand turn out of the ditch and across another couple of lanes of traffic, so we had to make a right-hand turn and go down and turn around, and cover the same stretch of road we’d just spun out of control on. I was totally freaked out!

This time, however, my mother traveled at a much slower speed and we made it through the Death Pass. I vowed then and there to never drive on ice, or snow, or in cold weather, etc.

Years later, when I worked for the government, I just happened to leave a bank a little too late in winter weather. I had to travel 53 miles to get home on nothing but packed snow, hilly lake roads, and freezing rain turning into glare ice. It was white knuckles all the way home that day, with several near misses, but the miracle of it all was I MADE IT! I kissed my kitchen floor when I fell from exhaustion into the house.

In all my years, I’d always assumed that if I were stranded somewhere in the winter weather, I would just pull over and die on the side of the road. But, I MADE IT. And now, each winter, when I’m faced with taking the kids to school (although they are much more likely to call off school now than back in my day, I’m convinced), or going to the store, or taking the kids to the local park to sled, I have the fact that I once made it 53 miles without dying in much worse conditions than I’m normally currently looking at.

And so, I suck it up, and put on my coveralls, my sock hat, and my snow boots, and I go wherever needs to be gotten to. Yes, you may see me going well below the posted speed limit on the highway. Yes, you may need to pass me. Yes, I may drive like an old lady.

But remember: I’m trying not to ruin it for my children.

“There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23:15

Do Not Call

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

I teach Sunday School, and I think I’ve already told you that a few times, but I didn’t want you thinking I fell off the wagon or anything. I always have playtime for my Pre-K/Kindergarten class because I think “fellowship” is a big part of being Lutheran and I think the kids in church should have a chance to know each other, not just sit there and listen to me ramble on.

Plus, it occasionally provides for some decent entertainment.

Case in point: Last Sunday.

Three kids had come for my Sunday School class: my 6YO, and Jacob and Hannah, both 5. My 6YO and Jacob had built quite a picnic area out of the plastic and wooden fruit and Hannah was pretending like she didn’t know if she was invited to the picnic or not. She was “calling” them on one of the play phones. “Helllloooo???” she said several times into her end of the phone, “Am I invited to the picnic?”

My 6YO says, “Hey Jacob, your phone is ringing.”

Jacob says, “Oh, it’s just a telemarketer.”

Here’s hoping your calls are all solicited during 2011 and that you’re never mistaken for a telemarketer.

And that Jacob’s family gets on the Do Not Call List soon!

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24

Back from the Future

“A gift opens the way for the giver, and ushers him into the presence of the great.” Proverbs 18:16

I remember when I was in grade school and everyone talked about the “future.” We all speculated on what it would look like: flying cars, video phones, and space food.

Space food is a novelty that is available at some science museums. Flying cars? Well, they aren’t anywhere to be found in my neck of the woods. Now this video phone thing…

Last year we sprung for DSL after it finally became available in our area. This has opened up the vast internet to our very fingertips. No longer do we wonder about things like what kind of caterpillar we’ve found? Or how many hours does a dog sleep in a day? We just go look it up. Takes the mystery out of life, really, unless Google for some reason fails you.

The move to DSL has also made it infinitely easier to upload pictures and email them to The Russian’s family. We’ve emailed and spoke on the phone to his mom and dad for years, but just started emailing his Uncle this past year. He likes to take pictures, and even though we speak different languages, I feel like we communicate through pictures. He would email me some, and I would return the favor.

Then he asked do we Skype? He had a Skype account and wondered if we did too?

Now I’d heard of Skype, probably back in its infant days when the calls were more like CB radio. Does anyone remember CB radio anymore? Daughter of a trucker, what can I say?

Anyway, I started thinking about Skype and consulting with others whom I knew used it. Seemed like a worthwhile endeavor, so I decided to buy The Russian a webcam for Christmas, procuring our spot in the Skype world.

I hooked it up, albeit wrong, on December 23, just to give it a go. I saw the Uncle was online, so I placed my first video call. I could hear them, but not see anything, and I could tell that they could see me, but not hear me. Thankfully they recognized me! Me and the kids made faces and waved and showed them little trinkets around our computer desk, all while they were laughing and carrying on, halfway around the world.

The next day, I changed a setting and got the microphone to work. With The Russian seated in the captain’s chair, we made our second video call from our computer, and lo and behold, their picture popped up too! It was the first “face-to-face” conversation The Russian had had with his Uncle in 16 years! His Aunt was there too, and about an hour and a half into the conversation, his Dad popped online and so we all did a conference video call. Truly stuff of the future, I would say!

Since Christmas, we’ve spoken to the Russian relatives at least a dozen times. We found out that my Hub’s great-grandma was actually Polish. We found out that his Aunt and Uncle have a wedding anniversary the day before ours (their 30th this year). We found out that a lot of language gaps can be bridged with gesturing and drawing pictures on paper even over the internet. And when all else fails, break out the “slovar” – that’s dictionary for you non-Ruskies-in-law.

Even though I now consider my appearance before answering my computer, these video calls always leave me with a big smile on my face, even if I don’t understand half of what was said.

And that, is the joy of giving perhaps the best gift I’ve ever selected in my life! I think I finally got it right for one person, just one time. I think this is a gift that the new might possibly never wear off of. And it is a gift that keeps on giving, until the webcam burns up.

Now, think how big God’s smile must be that he chose the perfect gift for all mankind!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

Lost: The Living Room Edition

“Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it?” Luke 15:8

Have you ever lost something and it really drove you nuts that you couldn’t find it? Like, you just had it and now it’s gone, and you know it should be right here?

Around Thanksgiving, my rechargeable batteries for my camera were on their last leg, so I purchased a new package of eight, put two in the camera and promptly lost the other six. Kind of drove me nuts that I couldn’t find them. Anyway, I eventually had to go out and buy a 4-pack to limp by until I could find the lost package. Kind of excessive to have 12 rechargeable batteries, I know, since I can only charge four at a time.

Anyway, then the Christmas season rolls around and we drag all our treasured decorations out of the attic, making it ever more unlikely that even one lost item will ever be retrieved from the lost areas of our house.

I wrote previously about John the Baptist visiting our nativity this year (Read: Adventures of Baby Jesus #1). Well, wouldn’t you know it, John the Baptist went missing just several days before it was time to de-decorate the house. His manger was still there, as John was never properly glued to his hay. Probably wouldn’t have tolerated it in the first place, but the baby was missing! I’m thinking he was out looking for locusts and honey, but he was nowhere to be found.

We found an errant donkey underneath the wine cabinet (Note: only called “wine” cabinet since that was the constructor’s intent for this piece of furniture. We do not drink wine – straight bottles of Jack Daniels around here, but think we are closer to being wine snobs since we have a wine cabinet. Other more accurate names for this piece of furniture would be homework cabinet, fancy scissor housing cabinet, or Star Wars landing station. It was on sale at Big Lots, what can I say?), but still no John the Baptist.

I checked under the couch, using a wooden spoon to drag out all the spoils of the Kid War that had collected in the past six months. And there were my batteries! Yea!

John the Baptist was later found among the Hot Wheels. I think he was planning a bigger escape into the wilderness, for sure.

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas season and that 2011 doesn’t lose you!

“For the Son of Man came to see and to save what was lost.” Luke 19:10

From Russia With Love

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.” Ephesians 2:13

Thirteen years ago today (Man, that seems like a LONG time!), I married a Russian college student whom I had known almost six months. Our first date had been on June 30th, when I took him fishing at my grandpa’s pond. We caught lots of sunfish that day. He cooked me spaghetti a few nights later, literally spaghetti and sauce, and we ate it at his college apartment out of margarine tubs. I told him about Hamburger Helper. He asked me to go shopping with him.

While at the grocery store I introduced him to things like yogurt, cottage cheese, and sour cream. He’d known all these things before, but didn’t know the name for them in English. I also told him about whole milk. He said that’s what he’d wanted, but didn’t know what the red cap meant. I offered to cook him a roast with potatoes and carrots, and the next thing I knew, we were getting married.

Some people said he married me for his Green Card. I think it was because I could cook and he couldn’t at the time. Russian men usually have a woman to take care of them.

We went to a pawn shop in Galena, Kansas, and bought my wedding ring for $140.00. It had been welded together at one time and then ripped in half and had a jagged edge and a small chip in the diamond. We bought his ring at the Miami Coin Shop for $40.00. The shoes he bought to get married in cost $46.00. My dress cost $50.00 at the going out of business sale at the Miami Bridal Shoppe and my mom made my veil attached to a headband of fake pearls we bought at Wal-Mart.

We had $110.00 in our checking account that first day we were married. And that was pretty much it in the way of assets between us. Of course, there was the harvest scene couch he’d bought at a garage sale that you had to be careful when sitting down on because a nail might poke you, but aside from that, our checking account represented all our worldly possessions that had value to anyone else besides us.

He didn’t tell his parents he was getting married. His mother would call in the middle of the night screaming and crying. My husband is an only child.

Needless to say, I went over like a lead brick. They wanted to know what color I was, was I pregnant, and what was my name? I passed on all accounts except they didn’t like my name. We sent pictures after the wedding and his grandma decided that I was too pale so I must be sick a lot, I was too thin so I must not know how to cook, and I was older than him (2 ½ years) so I must have MADE him marry me.

Then the paperwork began! YEARS of paperwork to be exact. I didn’t make enough money so my uncle had to co-sponsor my husband with me, making the both of us financially responsible for my husband. My dad wouldn’t do it. My husband would finally receive his Green Card just after we purchased our first house, three years plus after our wedding day. He would become a US Citizen when our first child was eight months old.

Eventually I won over my Russian in-laws. I guess they got used to the idea that my husband wasn’t coming back. And that maybe not all American women were what they thought they might be. They eventually gave me credit for my husband graduating from college, for him getting a job, for us buying a house, for our first child. Before she died, his grandma even decided that I looked a little like their Northern people. What a turnaround I’d had!

I cannot fathom that there would have been any more perfect a person for God to have chosen as my spouse. My husband gets my sense of humor, he’s smart, and cute, and all that, too. He’s even keeled when I freak out, and he still likes my cooking.

It is strange to think that my husband didn’t even speak my language until he was 15 years old. It is strange to think that he had to travel halfway around the world to get here. It is strange to think that he ended up going to the junior college in my town because his test scores were too low to stick with his friends and go to the college where they went. It is strange to think that he ended up unloading the truck with me on Saturday mornings at Arby’s in my hometown.

What a logistical nightmare for anyone else but God! I guess I was a hard order to fill!

Happy Anniversary to my big strong Russian husband!

He loves it when I call him that!

“Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.” Ephesians 2:19-20

Merry Imperfect Christmas

“O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth.”

Picture it. Christmas Eve service. The church is packed. Nearly every seat is taken. The service has been carefully laid out in the bulletin. Easy to follow along for those who aren’t Regulars.

And then, with the first song, clearly marked “O Come All Ye Faithful” verses 1 and 2 in the bulletin, the organist begins to play “O Come, O Come Emmanuel.” We all know the tune, yet can’t find it in the hymnal fast enough and muddle through the first verse confused by the song change.

A few more Christmas passages are read, and we are supposed to follow up with “O Come All Ye Faithful” verses 3 and 4. Since we started out on “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” the congregation could not be steered from that first verse of “O Come All Ye Faithful,” then as some finally noticed what was printed in the bulletin, we finished strong with verse number four.

Then the sermon about how we are all connected to the baby in manger. During the first five minutes, someone’s car alarm went off in the parking lot. Whoever the culprit was must have noticed their error because the horn only honked 10 or 12 times. Then I began my sermon dig for my checkbook so I would be ready when offering came up, and I had no pen in my purse. Then as if on cue, all the children under five in the sanctuary simultaneously lost their wonderment over being in church and began to protest. I look across the aisle and two teenagers were drawing comics. The family in front of me gave a stick of Chapstick to their 2YO son to amuse him, only recognizing their error when he was out of arm’s length and wielding a fully extended glob of Chapstick.

But then, the cloud of chaos lifted just in time for the individual candles to be lit for the “candlelight” portion of the service. My children held theirs in such a way as not to threaten burning down the church, and my now 6YO really belted out “Silent Night” and “Joy to the World” with me. A perfect ending!

Perhaps a few people at the service were first time visitors this evening. Perhaps they didn’t even notice the things that I did. Perhaps our service having several imperfect moments was much like Jesus’ birth, where nothing seemed to go right for Mary and Joseph. But, wow, what a perfect ending!

Merry Christmas!

“So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:4-7

Run, Run As Fast You Can...

“Do you know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24

In the past week, I have been a witness to a couple of occurrences of a gingerbread man running away while he was supposed to be in the oven baking. The first instance was at my son’s Kindergarten, where the kids were just walking back after not finding their gingerbread boy in the oven. They were aghast, confused, in denial.

“Mrs. Teacher put too much LOVE in him and he became real and ran away!!” they lamented.

Well, way to go Teacher! I told the teacher not to put so much love in him next time. It was all her fault, they concluded.

For the rest of the evening, we watched for the gingerbread boy. We were all instructed to call the teacher immediately if we had any clues. Occasionally, one of the kids would swear they saw a flash of brown somewhere out of the corner of their eye.

We went to our 4-H meeting at the local community room of the bank and the kids baited the gingerbread man outside with their rice krispie treats they had for snacks. They left a piece for him on the handrail outside and were all watching for him to take the bait so they could run out and catch him.

They also brought signs to hang up like a Missing Person poster with the gingerbread man drawn in their rendition of his likeness.

During the meeting, I slipped out and removed the bait, throwing it into the flowerbed. When they saw that the rice krispie treat was gone, it freaked the whole bunch out. The funny thing was that even older siblings who were present, who had been in the same class for Kindergarten, and had had the same experiences, didn’t remember. They were just as intrigued by the disappearance of the gingerbread man as the little ones were.

The good news is that the next day, the gingerbread man was found... by the POLICE! Officer Boggs brought the gingerbread man back to my Kindergartener’s class, lights flashing and siren blaring. He’d had to put a piece of plastic over the pan to keep the gingerbread man from escaping after chasing him into someone’s yard for running down the street WAY faster than the posted speed limit.

Our small town is a speed trap for even a Gingerbread Man!

Anyway, thanks to all involved for making the day of at least 24 Kindergarteners, a few 4-Hers, and I’m sure for all of their parents too!

May all our holiday experiences contain too much love, even if we won’t necessarily remember the details!

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

Adventures of Baby Jesus #1

“Everyone who heard this wondered about it, asking, ‘What then is this child going to be?’ For the Lord’s hand was with him.” Luke 1:66

Last night (I know… FINALLY!), we broke out the Christmas decorations and the kids and hub put up the tree while I was at a church Christmas function – think desserts, desserts, and cheese dip by candlelight. Anyway, they broke out my foam nativity guys that I purchased off the internet a few years ago on an after Christmas clearance sale. I think it might have been marked down to $2.99 - a bargain considering these guys are about 6” tall and are very cute. The downside was that their sticky had long since died and I had to hot glue all the parts together. There’s not much I can’t accomplish with a glue gun, so that really wasn’t an issue.

The company graciously (and probably accidentally) included two nativity sets with my order, so one was given as a gift to a pre-school teacher at the daycare with whom I’d had a tumultuous relationship. Hopefully, that gift mended a few fences with her. Hard to say. I never saw her again. Maybe in Wal-Mart…

The second nativity set included an extra baby Jesus, again, I’m guessing by accident, unless there was an overproduction of foam baby Jesuses that year. Anyway, Baby Jesus #2 had never seen the light of day, until last night.

While the kids were breaking out the ornaments and such, they ran across the nativity set. Of course, they got everything out and set it up under the Christmas tree. Then they ran across Baby Jesus #2. The hub reports a deep discussion between them ensued.

“Look, it’s another baby Jesus!”

“Well, there’s only one baby Jesus. We can’t have two!”

“Who is it then?”

“It must be John the Baptist.”

Now, I’m not sure if Jesus and John the Baptist were close cousins or not growing up, but Elizabeth was one of the first people Mary told about her pregnancy. And John leaped in Elizabeth’s womb, excited about his boy cousin, who would be his Savior. John even eventually baptized his cousin, in what was undoubtedly his most spectacular baptism ever!

Anyway, I’m not sure when Elizabeth and Mary ever got together when the kids were little, but this year John is visiting in infancy, without his parents, our nativity. Both he and Jesus appear happy about it!

“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel – which means, ‘God with us.’” Matthew 1:23

One Size Fits Most

“But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” 1 Corinthians 7:7

It’s the holidays! Let’s talk about gift cards for a moment.

I was given a gift card approximately four years ago to a major retailer, but had never used it. The gift card resurfaced in our home sometime over the summer and I called the number on the back and magically it was still good. I made a conscious decision that I should use it as soon as possible since I was pretty sure I’d had it nearly forever in gift card years.

But it was to a store that we don’t frequent very often, and is at least 30 minutes away in the big town.

Anyway, the moment finally presented itself a couple of weeks ago. Leaves had been blowing into the garage and the leaf blower we’d had for 10+ years had a locked up motor from last year and hadn’t been fixed. I never liked that leaf blower anyway. It was a gas model and hard for me to start. I decided it was time to put my gift card into action and buy an electric leaf blower.

I started online. I found an electric model that was 5 lbs. lighter than the gas counterpart and would blow 225 mph. And it was on sale. Sold! I decided at this time too, that when I visited the store I would also purchase the gutter-cleaner-outer attachment for the leaf blower to make our lives easier. I had brief daydreams of being able to purchase these two items together and have the gutters cleaned out by nightfall, making my husband so proud of me!

Those dreams were squelched when I actually went to the store and found that the gutter attachment was not available for in-store purchase. I took my on sale leaf blower and went home, slightly disappointed.

Upon arriving home, I promptly ordered said gutter-cleaner-outer attachment off the internet. The description said, “Fits most….”

Most.

Kind of left it open, didn’t it?

But in my eyes, most says majority, and majority says a lot, and a lot seems to be readily available, so I clicked the “confirm order” button for my site-to-store pickup.

I got a little anxious and tried to click on the link in my order confirmation email a couple of days later, so I could see the status of my order. It took me to a place to login to my online account. I entered my email address, the one just used to confirm my order, and the site told me that email address had not been registered with an account. Hmm. First bad sign.

Then about a week later, I received another email confirming my gutter-cleaner-outer was ready to be picked up in the big town. I also got a call from a nice computer generated lady telling me the same thing, but I had to listen to it twice to be able to understand the whole thing.

The following day – yesterday to be exact – I traveled to the big town to retrieve my order. Sure enough, they had it and were able to retrieve it for me from the bowels of the store within 5 minutes – a sign said that was their goal!

When I arrived home, I began to understand what “Fits Most” meant. It meant it would fit gas models with threaded flanges, gas models with a button to secure attachments, electric models with a button for attachments, and electric models with threaded flanges – that were all ROUND.

Unfortunately, I had purchased the readily available blower with the RECTANGULAR flange.

So, this morning I took my third trip to the big town to exchange my blower for one with a round flange that would work with the attachment. I was assisted by one of the very helpful associates in my return and exchange of blowers. He took my $35.00 extra dollars, as this blower was NOT on sale, and told me this was the only one that was electric with a round attachment flange. Should definitely work.

Most.

We’re back to that word again.

A little voice in my head said I should try it before I left the parking lot since I’d had the forethought to bring along the gutter attachment. But there were a lot of pieces, and I had my kid with me, and my husband had actually tried it before and knew what piece should go directly on the blower. I was just sure it would work, drunk with the associate’s confidence.

I sobered up when I got home and actually tried it.

Most apparently means – will work for most everyone else, except me.

The flange was the right shape, but was just slightly too big. Big enough not to work. Big enough to require lots of duck tape alteration to get it to work. Big enough to send my blood pressure rising into the sky and a few choice words to come to mind.

With that, I resolved to return the whole mess of frustration and call it a day. I resolved to muster as much grace as one with an aggravated temper can, and not unleash my wrath on the next available cashier. I resolved myself to the fact that I was going to have to drive to the big town ONE MORE TIME!!

The fourth time at 60 miles round trip, but who’s counting??

I also resolved that they could figure out how to put everything back in the box the way it should have been as I did not have enough patience left to mess with it. Shoving it all in with my foot, and stomping on it while jumping up and down on the box, would probably have resulted in breakage and would have made returning my burden unlikely.

And so, after much gas guzzling and several scenic trips, a few choice-word thoughts and a credit on my credit card, I have nothing to show for my Plight of the Leaf Blower.

So, when you give that gift card this holiday season, remember the Plight of the Leaf Blower sparked by an old gift card that resurfaced after years of not being spent.

And remember not to give me a gift card. Sorry. Bad taste in my mouth.

And remember the perfect gift of Jesus, who truly is “One Size Fits All”, not “Most”.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

Nativity Adventures

“O come, O come, Emmanuel, And ransom captive Israel, That mourns in lonely exile here, Until the Son of God appear. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.” -hymn 31, in your Blue Hymnal.

We had an Advent Fair after church yesterday where families constructed their own Advent wreaths to take home. I have to say, I am now in the Christmas spirit. Yes, I know, it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet, but I’m ready to break out the tree, hang a wreath on the door, and get out the nativity set. And in my house, that means it is time for… another installment of…

The Adventures of Baby Jesus!

Our resin nativity set has a tiny baby Jesus who comes out of his manger. He’s about an inch and a half long and is torpedo shaped from all his swaddling clothes. My kids like to play with the nativity set and you just never know where baby Jesus might turn up.

He’s been in the kitchen, stuck in the couch, rescued from the bathroom, adored by the Super Friends, and has even taken a few train rides.

So, as we prepare for Advent – which I think may be short for Adventures – this holiday season, I hope you invite Jesus into your home. Let him have the run of the house, and I’ll bet you’ll find him in every room.

“This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:12

Surprise Chicken

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit!

We’ve told these words to our children numerous times since their birth. The daycare used them, then we started using them, now the school uses them. It is part of their psyche, I suppose, by now.

A few months ago, I told you about hatching my first egg. (Read: Something Egg-citing!)

Betty has been doing just clucky and has turned into a very unusual looking chicken, taking mostly after her polish crested father. We eventually got Betty a buddy at the sale barn, whom the kids named Bommy. Betty and Bommy are inseparable… mostly because the rest of the flock never fully accepted them because they are the young ones.

Well, Betty is now about 6 months old, and guess what SHE did last week?

She crowed.

You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit… even with chickens.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Substitution

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

A few weeks after school started, I was looking for something to do, so I signed up as a substitute teacher. So far, I’ve worked at least two days a week ever since at one school and have covered PE, art, learning disabled, T-1, 1st, 2nd, and special education. I feel my life has been infinitely expanded through my serving as a substitute and I now have a greater appreciation for what my kids’ teachers go through in an average day. I also have a more profound respect for those who wish to homeschool their own children, and a few ideas as to why they thought that might be a good idea in the first place.

Thought I would share with you a list of things I’ve learned in the past several weeks from my taking the place of someone more qualified and experienced, if just for the day.

1. I feel like Wonder Woman or Batman every time I get the call to substitute teach. It’s like, “I got the call! Gotta go!” Thankfully, spandex is not required.

2. There is a great disparity in ability and willingness among the children in individual classrooms. Keeping those engaged who are bored, and bringing up those who are behind is a constant balancing act the teacher must perform.

3. The children will try the substitute teacher for approximately two hours after the departure of the real teacher. They may try things such as telling the sub they get double snacks, suggesting proper recourse for a misbehaving classmate, or inferring that the sub is doing everything wrong. Self-doubt is preyed upon and must not be visible to the children!

4. The good thing about being a sub is that you get to make your own rules and don’t have to really do it the way the teacher would. You can wreak havoc and then never return.  *insert evil laugh here*

5. Children who are in special classes for extra help may not remember that you were there three weeks ago and know full well they know how to do their math homework and count to 20 on a number line, no matter what they say!

6. Watching two very mobile special education children on a playground with 150 other kids is not my idea of a picnic.

7. Carrying a 50 lb. special education kid who has fallen and scraped her knee makes you feel like you’re in the World’s Strongest (Wo)Man contest after about 100 feet.

8. Some classes are more emotionally unstable than others and you may feel as if you’ve played Dr. Phil to a host of tiny socialites before going home for the day.

9. Some boys will draw inappropriate additions to dot-to-dot animals that may crack up the substitute teacher – on the inside.

10. Orchestrating Dodge Ball between 50 children is one of the greatest thrills you could ever hope to have.

11. A PE whistle brings about an undue sense of power.

12. Some children who have problems at home may feel compelled to tell a complete stranger of their plight.

13. Having the appropriate response to “My dad’s in jail!” is not something I’d ever thought of before.

14. My son is now widely known throughout the school because his mother has been a substitute teacher. He beams with pride every day that I am there.

15. Children that I have had in class before remember me, holler at me, and hug me in the hallway.

16. This may be as close to a celebrity as I ever become.

17. I love decorating bulletin boards!

18. I’m only 5’9”, but second graders see me as an amazon woman, and point it out regularly!

19. School may be the only personalized attention that some children get all day.

20. I’m more thankful each day for my own children, for their personalities and abilities, for our family and our home life, for their ideas and independence, and for the chance to see the other side through the eyes of a substitute teacher.

See, and you thought kids were the only ones getting anything out of this thing called SCHOOL!

Now go out and hug a teacher today! And give thanks to the greatest substitute of all – Jesus.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” Matthew 19:14