Darth Mother

“You don’t know the power of the dark side.” – Darth Vader

I like to say that I am the Darth Mother.


My oldest is preoccupied with Star Wars 90% of the time. iCarly and SpongeBob occupy the other 10%.


At one time he said that he wanted to change his name to Darth Vader. I told him that I was the Darth Mother because sometimes I have to go over to the Dark Side, not to mention the fact that I almost have the force choke down.


He doesn’t believe me.


“Just try me,” I say.


Anyway, yesterday I had to go over to the Dark Side with the neighbor kids. I had six boys, ages 3 to 13 (my two + four), in our swimming pool and much dunking, splashing, screaming, and crying was taking place. I also looked out to see the oldest, whom I’ve told to stay off the side of the pool multiple times, hanging his gut over the edge and letting gallons of water pour out.


My youngest got out and said they were trying to drown him.


My hub (The Republic) said to leave them alone.


One more wail from the oldest while holding his mouth from a head bashing sent me straight into Darth Mother mode. I could feel the Force.


I Stormed (Trooper-like) to the pool. (Cue: Imperial March music.)


“Why are you crying?” I said. (Insert Darth Mother robotic breathing here.)


“I told them to quit, but they won’t!”


“That’s it!” I said, “Everybody OUT! Come back when you can behave yourselves.”


I used the pool cleaner outer net as my Light Saber. I should spray paint it red.


After all the Padawans had been admonished to their chambers, I turned, pool towel flowing behind me like a big black cape and returned to debate the Republic on the Imperial Senate (garage) floor.


There was a disturbance in the Force.


However, after much deliberation, I was pardoned of my tyrannical tactics for fear of another uprising.


Darth Mother indeed.


After the disturbance had officially subsided, my two minions stared at me with wonder-filled eyes. They were actually happy that I’d gone over to the Dark Side with the neighbor kids. My young Jedi have much to learn in the skills of negotiation and conflict resolution.


Teach them I must.


Wait, that’s Yoda.


Anyway…


They might tell me that the Darth Mother isn’t a REAL Star Wars character, but I’m here to tell you, she does exist.


“Just try me,” I say.


Good luck with your Storm Troopers today, and I hope the Republic doesn’t rise against you!


May the Force be with you!



P.S., all references to Star Wars may be totally inaccurate as I have only a limited knowledge of said movie series and an 8YO to rely on for facts about such things.